Ah! Naruto!
by Kytranis
Summary: Naruto gets one wish as a kid and wants a mommy, aww... wait. The one granting it is Urd? Oh! My! Goddess! Konoha won't know what hit it.
1. Chapter 1

I don't own Naruto or Ah! My Goddess but I can't resist writing this.

"Speech"

/thoughts/

Story!

Karma. It is a powerful and nigh unstoppable force, it topples mountains, turns aside oceans and can withstand time itself. It is balance, the force of attraction. You withstand evil, avoid evil, and prevent evil, and you get good karma. Resist and you gain the opposite, cause something and you get that karma back. On the rare occasions that something of near equal power, such as a star of unluck or blind emotions block the karma, the person in question is granted a single wish from either heaven or hell as appropriate. On all but one occasion it was for the karma to be unblocked and they lived their normal lives, but one man disbelieving his wish stated that he wished for the goddess delivering it to stay with him forever gaining the love of his life, and immortality.

Now for the first time in several thousand years another is worthy of a single wish. The recipient? A small five year old child, living on his own. Hated, feared, and in spiritual agony. But what would such a child wish for? They can't possibly comprehend the ramifications of bending reality and time itself towards a single desire! There is no way for him to know that something he will say very soon can destroy or save the world. To make him loved or end his life, the power to do anything one time and one time alone. Is anyone worthy of such a thing?

We'll see.

A small boy in a dirty white t-shirt and blue shorts was in his apartment alone. Naruto pushed his bangs out his eyes around the dust and the gloom. It looked like a wild party had been held just the night before but everything was covered in dust. The walls had hate messages of "GO BACK TO HELL MONSTER!", "BURN AND DIE!" and "GO BACK TO WHERE YOU BELONG AND ROT". He had a screwdriver in hand and was horribly underfed. The small blue eyed blond was dirty and poor on top of being small for his meagre age of five.

Naruto was tinkering with a broken T.V. he had found in the garbage. He had seen other people watch shows on this and was trying to figure out how to make this broken one do the same. It wasn't broken too badly he just didn't know to plug it in. No one ever taught him anything he had to pick everything up by watching others and listening. He sighed and sat down in front of the black screen. "I guess it is just a piece of junk. Aw man I wanted to watch the pictures like those other kids do." He muttered as he flopped onto his back.

"Hey! What are you calling a piece of junk?! Just plug it in! It'll work fine." A woman's voice said it was playful and friendly in a way that was calming too.

"Do what now?" Naruto asked and it laughed gently, but he got the feeling she wasn't laughing at him.

"Oh of course no one ever told you... take that bit with two metal bits sticking out and put the metal bits into the holes in the wall surrounded by plastic but don't force it!" the voice said merrily as if she liked being with him. Blinking but cautious for anything wrong to happen Naruto plugged in the old T.V. and it flared to life. He rushed to the front of it and was greeted with the image of a dark skinned woman with white hair, she had a red six pointed star dead centre on her forehead and two small blue triangles with their points facing inwards high on her cheeks. "Yo cutie!" She said and she started to rise up out of the T.V. screen to the now terrified Naruto who was backed up against the wall and completely out of his element.

"Don't be afraid kiddo, I may be the daughter of the Queen of hell but I also have the Lord of Heaven for a father. My name is Urd. I am a goddess second class limited." Urd said introducing herself to him, she was giggling slightly at his light blush caused by her provocative purple gown that revealed oh so much but nothing at all while still looking elegant and dignified.

"B-beautiful." Naruto said under his breath and she laughed gently as he realized she heard him. "S-sorry. I'm Naruto." Naruto said standing up straight in his embarrassment and bowing.

"So where are your parents squirt? Something big is about to happen to you and they should help you through it." Urd asked, she had deliberately been uninformed about the technicalities of her current assignment.

"I-I-I don't have any. The matron said monsters do-don't deserve any." Naruto said crying a little, Urd immediately rushed to his side to comfort him. /What the hell? I wasn't told about any of this! Crap is that... by my father, he's holding a rogue demon at bay... and being given hell for it... what to do?/ she thought and Naruto gave a sniff as he warily returned the hug he was receiving and he spoke very, very softly so soft Urd as close as she was could barely hear him even with enhanced senses. "I wish she was my mommy."

A huge glow erupted from both of them and Urd felt the child in her arms change at the most fundamental level. Divine essence poured into him, the rogue demon was converted into a demon part and his humanity was turned to a third. /Third God, Third Demon, Third Human? Wow that's some kinda hybrid./ "W-what happened?!" Naruto asked pulling away from her and staring at his new outfit. He was wearing dark blue Hakama with red strapped gata and a simple dark reddish brown vest with two black bracers on each arm.

"Calm down kiddo. As I already told you I'm a goddess right?" Urd asked and Naruto nodded. "Well you started crying before I could tell you that I was sent to grant you a wish... and I heard you mutter that you wished I was your mother... So now I am, son." She said nervously and Naruto stared at her for a moment then tackled her into a hug. /Well he's an affectionate little wonder this could prove to be fun. Plus his markings are damn cute/ she thought remembering what she had seen for only a moment. Naruto had nine markings three on each cheek and three on the forehead six of them sloping lines and the other three reminded her of her sister. (Think Kyuubi possessed Naruto for the shape, then three long Belldandy style marks on the forehead) A red one with a green one above it and a blue line below on each cheek, on his forehead the blue was two the left followed by the red and green.

They just stayed there for a while, Urd was using her empathy abilities to learn about her new son and Naruto was washing away his pain and insecurities. They were interrupted after a bit by a knocking at the door. Urd sighed and stood up carrying Naruto with her, she opened the door to the apartment and frowned at the young Chuunin with silver hair and his forehead protector as part of his tuque. "The honourable council calls you Urd Norn to their meeting chambers to discus your... adoption of the little freak." Mizuki said eyeing Urd up and down and fully appreciating her fashion sense.

"Whatever. Lead the way kid." Urd said and smiled as Naruto stuck his tongue out at Mizuki. He led the way jumping off with force when they left the apartment building and was shocked when Urd was right behind him the whole time. She walked into the council room with Naruto now riding piggyback was watching in interest and drawing many odd looks with the marks on his face.

"Ms. Norn... you are here to answer questions as to why..." a chubby man began. He was balding with a few grey hairs and he held an expression of constant scorn on his face.

"Is anything out of place in the papers?" Urd asked her violet eyes boring into the man.

"It isn't that so much as the paperwork should not exist in the first place. The man said and Urd raised an eyebrow.

"So let me get this straight. My adoption of him is perfectly legal with everything properly filled out and you have an issue with this?" Urd asked putting the man on the spot.

"Yes because no one can recall ever giving you the papers to fill out in question." The man said smugly.

"And how could you know that? If the papers were discovered only recently then it would have been impossible to do a full investigation... and if a legal form is properly filled out and filed then unless it is outright ridicules or contradicted by either local law or another document it is perfectly legal." Urd countered and Sarutobi who had been softly smiling smiled even wider, he was really starting to like this spunky but viciously smart women. She had all the bases covered and everyone knew it, but councilman Gyasho was stubborn.

"That thing has no right to family!" Gyasho shouted out and was met with a lightning bolt courtesy of Urd.

"Don't insult him, he's family now and above all else family is precious to me." Urd said as the man collapsed in a twitching mass. "I didn't kill him but he won't be able to move for a while." Urd reassured the people in the room who were now watching her warily. By their accounts such a powerful Raiton affinity was unheard of. Sarutobi and the shinobi clan heads were intrigued while the civilians for the most part were terrified. Danzo was seething that the Kyuubi brat now had such a powerful protector. Naruto was grinning cheekily at them realizing just how good things were getting.

Cherri Haruno cleared her throat to try and get things rolling again. She personally had nothing against Naruto having lost nothing during the Kyuubi attack, but she was easily swept away by the overwhelming hatred directed towards the kid. "Lord Sarutobi I believe this was one of the preset circumstances towards certain... information about Naruto being released is it not?" She asked and the Hokage nodded reluctantly.

"...Naruto, Urd. What I'm about to tell you is sensitive information but you are both now in a position to be in the know. Naruto... you are the living prison of the Kyuubi no Kitsune, that is the reason why many people look towards you with hatred. You are also the only child of the Fourth Hokage, and as such you will now inherit the clan estate and fortune. The two other circumstances for this to occur were when you reached eighteen years of age or the rank of Chuunin." Sarutobi explained and Naruto suddenly looked fearful.

"Don't worry about the rogue demon in him. The red markings on his face represent the creature's power, the blue mean's the power of the gods, and the green is the power of nature. I added to his seal so that the Kyuubi is being killed inside it. By tomorrow it will be dead and all that will be left of it will be those nine marks." Urd said lying like a master. /And they doubted that being a goddess capable of lying would be useful./ she thought snorting internally. Naruto stared at her in wonder but had caught onto the lie almost right away.

"Thanks Mom." He said nuzzling her neck a little to go with the act. /What the? Cunning little guy he's on to me and playing along like a pro. It's gonna be fun hanging out with him!/ Urd thought smiling at the closeness.

"Well that is unexpected, however I've never heard of any clan so proficient with the sealing arts, or anyone possession such a powerful lightning affinity." Shikiku Nara said his voice echoing in the incredible silence. "Mind explaining how such abilities could remain secret for so long?"

"My family keeps to themselves, but the little tyke needs me so here I am. We also migrate whenever someone new is brought into the fold and only stay in small groups." Urd explained and Naruto looked at her hopefully.

"Does that mean I've got Aunts and Uncles coming to see us?" Naruto asked and Urd laughed.

"Yea, they'll most likely start showing up in a couple days. That's about the same time I gave my little sister after she moved in with her boyfriend... well their married now and have a kid but that's not the point." Urd explained and there were a few chuckles.

"Well now that all relevant information is on the table I'd like to adjourn this meeting and speak to you and Naruto in private Miss Norn." Sarutobi said and with that people began leaving the room talking among themselves. Urd shrugged and began following the old man and when he was certain they were alone he chuckled.

"I must admit Naruto , I got the shock of my life when I realized that it was the eldest of the three Norn sisters who adopted you. Eh Goddess of the Past Urd and self styled goddess of love and romance?" Sarutobi asked his eyes twinkling as he filled his pipe.

"H-how did you know that?!" Urd asked shocked.

"They don't call me Professor Sandaime for nothing." Sarutobi said using a spark of chakra to light his pipe, he took a pull and gave Urd a sidelong glace as they walked into his office. They walked in and Naruto and Urd both took a seat as Sarutobi locked the door and activated a privacy jutsu. "What I would like to know is just how in hell did you manage to get the daughter of both the devil and kami-sama to adopt you?! I know you can pull some impressive feats when pressured but this takes the tobacco." Sarutobi said slumping down into his chair.

"Well as you know old man." Urd said and Sarutobi snorted at that. "I work for the most part directly for my father and am merely on good terms with my mother. I received an assignment that was a little confusing but it was to basically grant a five year old a single wish. He wished for a mother." Urd explained levelling a bit of a glare at him. "What I would want to know is why you let a little kid get into such a position?! Aren't you this villages leader?" she demanded and Sarutobi squirmed a little.

"I can only lead them if they will follow, and when it came to Naruto few followed me. I may be the most powerful Shinobi here but... I'm old, I should have retired decades ago to be with my family but my successor died and there was no one else worthy of the position... Furthermore in the chaos around my successor's death the civilian half of the council wrote many laws and regulations that carried over legally stripping me of much of my power." Sarutobi said with a sigh.

"Well greedy mortals aside I'd like to check out the place me and him will be living. Mind handing over the keys and maybe a set of directions?" Urd asked and Sarutobi fished a heavy looking key ring out of his desk.

"I'll take any excuse to get away from the paperwork so I'll walk you there myself and show you the more important places around the village." Sarutobi said hauling himself out of the chair and guiding them out of the office.

"Sounds good, lead the way old man." Urd said.

"Says the women thousands of years my senior." Sarutobi said and got a slight bop on the head which knocked off his hat for his remark.

A couple hours later.

"Hunh this place is almost exactly like the old temple my sister lived in with her boyfriend." Urd commented when the tour was completed.

"Hmm I didn't figure this place was that old." Sarutobi said and Urd laughed softly.

"Anyways gramps I'm sure the paperwork is touching the ceiling in at least two piles. That and I need to start tutoring the brat on how to use his powers." Urd said then there was a **HUGE** surge of energy just outside the small mansion. "Oh crap MOM!" Urd said and she rushed outside with a nearly panicking Hokage and her newly adopted son hot on her heels. They got outside and saw a twister of purple electricity pulsing and giving out bursts of massive energy scaring the crap out of everyone capable of sensing chakra within a ten mile radius. Even the civilians could feel it making their hair stand on end as a deep sense of foreboding descended over Konoha and then out of it stepped a deeply tanned women with snow white hair in a red gown similar to but even more elegant then Urds, she also had large bracelets and anklets on with a ton of ear piercings and an ornate headdress.

"URD-CHAN!" Hild squealed like a school girl giving her daughter the mother of all hugs. (Pun not intended.) "Is it true!? Did you really make me a grandmother?" she asked absolutely giddy.

"Yes he's the blond right behind me..." Urd said in a bit of a shock that she figured it out so bloody quickly.

"AWW!!! You're so cute!" Hild squeeled gathering Naruto up in a hug of the same epic proportions as the one she gave Urd.

"Demon! What is a monster like you doing in our village!?" a one armed and heavily bandaged man demanded glaring at Hild with his one visible eye.

"Visiting my daughter and newly adopted grandson, what's it look like?" Hild answered cheekily utterly unafraid of the rapidly growing ninja force behind the man all of them readying weapons. "Now shoo, little human I don't have time to waste on a one armed worm with an overblown sense of entitlement." Hild said. Then she turned back to Naruto. "Oh these whisker marks are so adorable! You'll be a knockout with the girls I know it!" she gushed and everyone but Danzo and ROOT either laughed or sweatdropped.

"Kill that vile witch!" Danzo shouted and the ROOT members didn't listen as Sarutobi ordered them to stop. Hild turned smirking and laughed daintily. Just as the entire force was about to strike all at once she snapped her fingers and black hell fire rose up around each one burning them to ash before they could even scream.

"Jeeze mom wasn't that a little overboard?" Urd asked and Hild shrugged.

"Mess with the best die like the rest... or something like that I don't keep up with the trendy sayings of the day." Hild said shrugging and a great deal of people were staring at her in shock.

"A-hem. Lady Hild, we could speak inside while you dote on Naruto. Perhaps we could arrange a few things?" Sarutobi offered as he led the way into the mansion and gave orders to the ANBU still loyal to him to not let ANYONE inside. "Well that's going to give me a mountain's worth of paperwork to deal with now O Queen of Hell. Couldn't you have simply hypnotized them or something?" Sarutobi asked and Hild giggled as she ran her fingers through Naruto's hair, she had taken a fast liking to doing that as it felt smooth and soft.

"Sorry I held back as much as I could Saru-chan but I'm one of the most powerful beings in existence you know." Hild said causing the old man to blush and cover his head with his hat. Urd looked from her mother to Sarutobi with wide eyes.

"You didn't." She said.

"Oh yes we did." Hild said giggling.

"We did not! Tempting as that may be I am simply an acquaintance of your mother." Sarutobi protested his eyes narrowing.

"I'd say we're far more then acquaintances... especially since we just need memories to know all about each other, Hanging Like an Ape Hiruzen." Hild said blushing a little herself Naruto just blinked and decided to stay quiet knowing that everything was shooting about a mile over his head and if his new mom for all her playfulness was sputtering and shocked he didn't stand a snowball's chance in hell.

"One game of poker does not make lovers Hild!" Sarutobi snapped and Hild's eye twinkled.

"Well it helps if its strip poker, and boy were you something to behold in the buck thirty years ago. Although I must admit you took my gown rather quickly in that game." Hild said teasingly causing Sarutobi to bleed out the nose a little in memory.

"Oh I need some Sake." Urd said then noticed that Sarutobi had pulled a flask out of his hat and took a swig of the obviously potent mix. "Please?" she said and he tossed it to her and she took a gulp and breathed out a flash of fire with a cry of pain. "Damn that's some tough stuff." Urd exclaimed tossing the flask back.

"My own personal brew." Sarutobi said with a wry grin before taking another swig to calm himself. "Anyways Hild I know how much you value family so we have to find a less... alarming way for you to come and go from Konoha. Perhaps a gateway forged of Demon Magic and Fuinjutsu? One that will let you simply enter as if walking through a doorway, that way no one will bother you or me about your presence here." Sarutobi offered.

"Well Hanging Like an Ape, if you can whip up a couple quick seals I can do the rest. I'd hate to bother such an old crusty man." She said and got one hell of a glare from him which she giggled under and waved off. Finally after boring holes in the walls behind Hild he took out a couple pieces of paper a brush and some ink and quickly made a couple seals. "Ohh! Someone suspected this was coming. Still the clever monkey you were as a flexible, spry and good looking in oil with the light..."

"MOM! Enough I think he gets it! And could you please avoid scarring Naruto for life!?" Urd practically screamed causing Hild to go into a giggle fit and Naruto to finally escape her embrace, she was nice but there had to be an upwards limit to it. "Look it's about eight so I'll put Naruto to bed then we can argue about risqué topics." Urd said quickly using a sleep spell on Naruto, he was out instantly.

Authors Notes.

What do you think? Naruto raised by Urd... Holy Crap Konoha is screwed. Still I can have a LOT of fun with his new powers, like say... Mini Naruto riding Tora the Hellcat? Or Hinata trying to put him in a jar because he's too cute for her? Oh the possibilities...


	2. Chapter 2

I don't own Naruto or Oh! My! Goddess!, and as for this story I will take advice for the kind of trouble and potential Gods or Demons but they have to be reasonable suggestions and I'm not doing any polls.

"Speech"

//Thoughts//

Story!

Naruto's eyes cracked open to birdsong and a beam of sunlight hitting him in the face. He groaned and turned on his bed burying his face in the fluffy pillow and throwing the blankets over his head then he stopped. //I can't be at my apartment, I don't have a pillow or blankets...// he thought and he threw off the blanket and looked around. //What happened... I feel weird... wait that lady... no my new mommy... I have a mommy... I have a mommy!!!// he thought his expression going from pensive to worried to a slow but honest and beaming smile. He heard a sizzling noise and he ran off at a rampant pace dodging though half opened doors and sliding on his knees down the hallways until he came into the kitchen. There was Urd in an apron cooking some bacon and eggs with toast.

"Since when did you learn how to cook Urd-chan? Did Bell teach you?" Hild asked from behind Naruto scaring the crap out of him causing him to jump up with a shout of shock just to be caught by his grandmother for a morning cuddle. "Dawwww you're so cute!" Hild gushed as Urd turned in shock and blushed. "You know with those kinds of skills I just might have more grandkids to spoil soon!" Hild gushed to Urd's horror.

"M-MOM!! For crying out loud I'm not interested in that!" Urd protested, she knew it would always happen but she HATED how her mom could instantly put her off balance and make her feel like a naive schoolgirl, she'd have to really screw with someone's head later to get back to normal. Then before she realized it both she was on her butt, out of the kitchen, and an equally confused Naruto was blinking like an owl on her lap.

"I do not remember moving from her arms to here." Naruto said a little stunned.

"Neither do I." Urd said then she slid the door to the side and they both peeked in and saw Hild using magic to cook. She slowly and quietly slid it closed. "That's why she's cheating at cooking."

"Cheating?" Naruto inquired and Urd smiled relieved that his duel status as Divine and Demonic put down an even 50 extra points on the IQ charts, divine and demonic kids were hard enough to deal with when they had natural urges to certain areas luckily they were smart enough to know when enough was enough and when to calm the hell down. Sometimes.

"Yea, my sister says that cooking takes a light touch and love... personally I don't get it." Urd said half deadpanning and shrugged. Then she smirked. "Wanna learn some magic now that we've been given the boot?" she asked and his eyes lit up so brightly that she wished she had some sun glasses. "I'll take that as a yes." She said and started explaining just what Mana was and how to use it with the easiest bit, going Chibi!

Timeskip Ten minutes. (What you thought I'd explain the mechanics of magic and shrinking yourself to a chibi?!)

"It's finished!" Hild announced as she walked out of the kitchen and nearly tripped over the mouse sized Urd and Naruto. She stumbled and managed to put all the food on the table and she spun around and saw a chibi Naruto trying to shake awake the stunned and chibi proportioned but four foot tall Urd.

"Ahh! Mom! You okay?! Maybe we shoulda practiced magic away from the door..." Naruto mused as he tried to shake Urd awake. She hadn't taught him how to go back to normal yet! Hild giggled a little at the sight before focusing some of her Mana and in an instant Urd and Naruto were back to normal, not a good idea because now Urd was still stunned and lying on top of him. "Oww... Wake up!" Naruto said giving Urd an almighty shove, but with his size and strength it was barely enough to roll her over and wake her.

"Oww, and that is why going Chibi isn't smart sometimes." Urd muttered as she sat up.

"Damn! I forgot to take a picture!" Hild said snapping her fingers in frustration then giggling at the half hearted glare from Urd as Naruto decided to sit on her for breakfast. Urd sighed and shook her head wondering what he was up to when he grabbed a pair of chopsticks instead of a fork for the meal, maybe he didn't know how to use one, it wasn't that hard. However she caught on when she was about to take a bite and Naruto had swiped the food right off her fork with his chopsticks.

"Sneaky little... I'll have to remember to try that myself someday." Urd said smiling it was harmless and pretty cute, if Hild conjuring a camera and snapping a photo was anything to go by. Urd shrugged and Naruto started whistling innocently and Urd was on the alert as she tried to get another bit of food and wound up in a bit of a fencing match to keep it with Hild taking snapshot after snapshot. "Hah! I win!" Urd said with her fork in her mouth giving the camera a victory sign while Naruto pouted a little. Then round three began.

One food fight later.

"And the winner is Urd! Let's hear a round of applause for our champion!" Hild said dramatically inwardly laughing hard at the fact that she just refereed a food fight between her daughter and grandson. "But let's not forget our runner up who put up such a valiant struggle!" She announced trying to be fair to the pouting boy.

"Not my fault I got full." Naruto said and Urd snorted then ruffled his hair.

"Well it made things easier on us all squirt." Urd said gently. "Anyways I have a near endless credit card and you and me need more then business clothes." Urd said gently.

"Business? " Naruto asked looking at his vest and pointing to the fact that he was only wearing a white t-shirt under it.

"Well yea, gods and demons are in the business of grief or relief and balance. These outfits all three of us are wearing are the clothing that is 'official' for our jobs. I as the queen of hell have to look the part you know." Hild explained and Naruto nodded. "But still some shopping sounds wonderful It's been so long..." Hild started gushing until a scroll dropped out of nowhere in front of her in a blast of brimstone smelling smoke. She read it and frowned. "And it's going to be even longer, I have duties to attend to. Sorry about this honey." Hild said leaning over to kiss Urd on the cheek and Naruto on the forehead. She was out the door pretty fast and Urd frowned at the dishes then shrugged.

"We'll deal with those later, for now... shopping!"

"Yay! Shopping! What's shopping? People talk about it but it sounds like a ninja technique, girls say it makes them look different and guys say it hurts them? What is it?" Naruto asked all on one breath and Urd stared for a moment before laughing long and hard.

"I'll show you and to most guys it only hurts if they have no sense of fun." Urd said when she calmed down. Naruto nodded then jumped on her back and scampered up onto her shoulders. "Alright then let's go!" Urd cheered and they started out but she forgot to warn Naruto to duck and he got his forehead smacked by a doorframe. "Oh crap you okay?!" Urd asked checking to see if a bruise would form.

"Mommy there's pretty stars everywhere." Naruto lied but Urd caught on right away.

"Nice try wise guy but I'm a pro at lying. Seriously though you almost got me." Urd said and Naruto laughed a bit.

"I think I'll walk though and let you bash your head." Naruto said rubbing his forehead a little. Urd giggled.

"Fat chance o' that." She said and walked off at a slow pace with Naruto in tow fully ready to show shop owners just what several thousand years does to your haggling ability.

About noon

"Um mommy? I think you broke her." Naruto said as they left a clothing outlet store with the receptionist crying bitterly at the massive loss of profit, after Urd was done with her she was practically paying her to take the clothes! Naruto was now in baggy grey cargos with a pair of shinobi sandals and a tight black t-shirt with the kanji for 'Trouble!' on the back. Simple but it fit him well. Urd had taken inspiration from a kunoichi she had spotted window shopping and was in a toga like wrap that was dark purple and blue and a pair of high heeled shinobi sandals, it was strapless, worn braless and "Mommy if you wear that too much you might kill someone." Naruto said as the twenty ninth man thirty second person if you count the women got a fire hose class nosebleed and collapsed. Well 'nuff said.

"I know and that's what makes this so much fun. Oh Aph is gonna love hanging around here, the guys are so shy and the girls so bold!" Urd said giggling. "C'mon let's eat out. I'm feeling like Dango."

"Funny you don't look like Dango." Naruto replied and Urd groaned.

"Oh come on Naruto that one's older then I am!" She said.

"Holy Crow that's old!" Naruto exclaimed and Urd swatted at him playfully which he dodged grinning.

"Alright I had that coming." Urd said shaking her head and then grinned as a guy who vaguely resembled a scarecrow with all most all of his face covered walked into a streetlight staring at Urd. (Kakashi if I was too vague.) They managed to find a nice looking place that served the stuff and they sat down to eat, although only Urd sat down on an actual seat as Naruto wanted to get into another food fight and was in her lap again. "You realize that with no ref we can't have a match." Urd said grinning.

"Aww man. Hey purple head wanna referee a food fight?" Naruto shouted out to a scantily clad kunoichi nearby and every one stared as Urd quickly covered Naruto's mouth and started laughing at the raw spunk.

"I hahaha... I'm so sorry heehee... he's got more guts then brains at this age... bwahahahaha!" Urd said around her laughter she had guessed it on the dot yesterday this kid was Fun, with a capital F-U! to people he either didn't like or know. The laughter died and Urd was on guard as the women picked up her food and joined her at the table.

"No sweatin' it sister! I likes a guy with moxy even if he's a brat!" Anko announced. "Names Anko Mitarashi, jounin, sexy beast, don't know how I'm still single with mah girls here." Anko said jiggling her chest a little. Urd snorted.

"Urd eldest of the three Norn sisters, newly adopted mother, drop dead gorgeous and a demon with the curves of a goddess." Urd said and then nudged Naruto who had been listening and figured he knew how this was going.

"Naruto Uzumaki, newly adopted, handsome devil, and on the market." Naruto said grinning foxily and Anko shot some sweet bean soup out of her nose and fell off her chair howling with laughter as Urd nearly joined her on the floor laughing just as hard.

"You go kiddo!" Asuma called out chuckling having nearly bust a gut when he heard a freaking five year old flirt with the infamous snake mistress of Konoha. The whole diner had in one way or another hurt themselves laughing 'with' the kid who just laughed with everyone else nearly falling off Urd as he did.

"Oh! Oh Kami where did you find this kid?! If only half the guys around here were as ballsy as that!" Anko said still chuckling a few minutes later.

"Let's just say it's all his doing and leave it at that." Urd said mysteriously and Anko smirked.

"Alright I get it... hey kid if you're still on the market in ten or so years and I am too look me up. I'm sure you'll be a knockout." Anko said.

"Pfft like someone like you'll be on the market that long." Naruto said and Anko blushed.

"Daww, cute and bold. Rare mix for a twerp." She said ruffling his hair.

"What is it with women and rubbing my hair?" Naruto said messing his hair up again as Anko laughed. She turned and saw a wall mounted clock and swore badly causing Naruto to blink. "Hey mommy what does %$*#&^# mean?" he asked and Urd just gave Anko a glare causing her to blush and sweat.

"Um oops? Look sorry about that. I gotta go my shift starts in ten minutes so I gotta run. Yo waiter put all this on my tab!" Anko shouted and the guy nodded just in time to see Anko vanish in a swirl of leaves.

"Hey Naruto?"

"Yea Mommy?"

"Don't say that word again alright, it's just not a good one."

"Okay."

"I mean there are just so many other ways to insult someone and doing it in just one word would make you look stupid. If you really want to get under someone's skin you gotta know them and the bad words... are the idiots way out." Urd said and Naruto nodded causing a lot of people nearby to sweatdrop at these 'pearls of wisdom' she was imparting. Urd just grinned at the look on their faces while taking another sip of sake.

It didn't take them long to finish as Urd found eating with two hands could totally mitigate Naruto's ability to snatch food from her and eat at the same time. He pouted a little at being foiled but Urd only giggled and messed with his hair causing him to scowl and wonder just what is it with women and his hair?

"Aww what the matter? Don't like people messing with your hair?" Urd asked teasingly.

"Feels weird." Naruto said sulking a little much to Urd's amusement.

"Well come on tiny let's stretch our legs a bit, take in all the sights we are gonna be here a while after all." Urd said as she led Naruto out not knowing or caring if the food was paid for by Anko.

Twenty minutes later.

"Aww come on don't be shy! You're too young to go into the men's side all by your bitty self!" Urd said as she wrestled a now nude Naruto towards through the change room and into the female half of the hotsprings.

"Nonononononono!" Naruto said beet red as Urd picked him up and carried him into the hot water. "I shouldn't see this!" Naruto nearly shouted his eyes screwed shut and there was laughter.

"At least he has a sense of decency already. Too bad my own scamp doesn't have any." Tsume Inuzaka said laughing around a saucer of sake

"Hunh... didn't know you were a prude Naruto... it's so cute!" Urd exclaimed as her grip clamped down and left no room for escape. She settled down comfortably and shifted the grip again so she could hold him one handed but he slipped away by going chibi.

"Oh my god..." Cherri Haruno said adjusting her librarian glasses as her daughter swam towards the mini male.

"That's adorable!" Tira Hyuga lord Hiashi's wife said patting her pregnant stomach as the baby kicked a little and holding onto Hinata who was watching with sparkles in her eyes.

"Down girl!" Tsume ordered Hana who was halfway to the tiny bobbing blond who was now frantically swimming back to his mother realizing he made a BIG mistake going small.

"Nice try mini-man but you kinda just sealed your own coffin." Urd said laughing a little as she plucked him out of the water and placed him on top of her head.

"Hey can I play with the dolly boy?" Sakura asked and Urd laughed.

"No you can't play with him, he's very shy and more then a little nervous." Urd said smiling at the little girl.

"Oh, oh no... Mom! How do I change back!?" Naruto shouted and his voice barely carried over the water. This caused a good bout of gently laughter from the adults and fangirl like squeals from the little girls.

"Alright kiddo I'll tell you, but let this be a lesson to not rely on these things so much." Urd said as she picked him up and whispered to him. Three minutes later Naruto jumped out of her hands and surfaced full sized again. "Now what did we learn?" Urd asked gently getting approving smiles from the nearby mothers.

"That one ability can give me an ocean in the bathroom." Naruto said and Urd dunked him under water and he shot up nearby and splashed her. He was then splashed by the newly released Hinata, Sakura and Hana both tried to splash each other getting almost everyone in the crossfire. A quick and full throttle splashing contest was then underway with Tira, Urd, Cherri and Tsume slipping out of the line of fire.

"So... rumours are that your mother is so powerful that even Lord Hokage is afraid of her. Apparently Danzo of Root is in the psych ward mumbling about big breasts and black fire. Care to elaborate?" Tira said and Urd just grinned.

"Anyone with a grain of sanity is afraid of my mother. Let's leave it at that and I'll leave you knowing that she's absolutely ecstatic about being a grandmother. Seriously I only ever saw her that happy when my half sister Mara gave birth... but she was also a _little_ pissed at the circumstances behind it." Urd said shivering at a memory.

"What circumstances?" Tsume asked knowing this was gonna be juicy.

"All I know is that it involved a fifty hour bar-crawl, a war-hammer, a lack of condoms, a gallon of tapioca and about four cats and a dog all in heat. Nine months later I was an aunt." Urd said and everyone over twelve sweatdropped.

"My goodness... who's the father?" Cherri asked her glasses sliding down her nose a little.

"Thor. Lotta muscle, lotta stupid, but a lot of heart and compassion luckily. Man's the strongest person I know with his arms thicker then my torso and he can swing around a two ton hammer like a toy. Big fiery beard , smells like he just came out of the bar, and a voice so deep I swear I can barely hear it sometimes." Urd said and again a lot of sweatdrops came down.

"So how did the child turn out?" Tira asked.

"Oh lil Nox?" Urd asked then snickered. "Sorry bit of an inside joke. He's great tries to balance out the best parts from both of his parents and I can tell you it's NOT easy. He's tall but built like an acrobat with the most amazing hair... damn lucky little punk." Urd mumbled crossly.

"Keep going." Tsume said and Urd shrugged.

"Basically, he's a sarcastic wise ass that's ALWAYS flipping right, he calls every bluff and more often then not get's himself up to his armpits in trouble." Urd snarled remembering more then a few times he screwed around with her. "and when I get my hands on him again I swear I'm gonna..."

"Ack Hana! Play nice! Play nice!" Tsume interrupted rushing forwards to stop Hana who looked like she was about to deck Sakura.

"Never mind, it's been nearly a decade since I've seen him, he's trying to get out of his punishment for the last time he one upped me." Urd said and she cracked her knuckles.

"Well, it was nice to get to know you Urd, but I gotta get this pup home before she hurts someone, bring you're brat over I have one of my own around his age." Tsume said as she pulled Hana out of the water and marched her into the changing room.

"Hoy mom! Can I learn any more magic goin' chibi is cool but I wanna do more!" Naruto said excitedly.

"You mean like magic eyes?" Hinata asked and Naruto swam up to her.

"You got magic eyes? Cool! Can I see them?" Naruto asked right in her face and she blushed a little and swam back and focused causing the veins around her eyes to bulge and her pupils to become slightly visible.

"Byakugan!" Hinata said and Naruto stared.

"Cool! What do they do?" Naruto asked.

"I can see all around me and through things. I can also see someones chakra." She said.

"Cool can I test it?" Naruto asked and Hinata nodded. He dunked his hands into the water. "How many fingers am I holding up?" he asked and Hinata raised her hands and flipped him off with each one.

"These ones!" Hinata said to the now stunned audience and Naruto nodded then Urd burst out laughing.

"Alright Naruto... when we get home you get a crash course in what to do and what not to." Urd said the pause being her laughing. "Anyways it was nice hanging with you girls, but I gotta get him out of here before he corrupts your daughters." Urd said snickering a little as she used a bit of her mana to chibify Naruto and carried him into the changeroom. "Come on mini-man lets go."

Ten minutes later.

"How did you do that!?" Naruto demanded once more fully dressed but still chibi, he was a little pissed. "Come on Mom let me change back!" Naruto said getting more then a few stares as Urd walked through the crowds. Who wouldn't seeing a three inch tall boy plead to the woman whose shoulder he was standing on? Forget that it was a foreigner and the Kyuubi brat it was just a weird scene.

"Now, now a girl has to have her secrets naru-chan." Urd said teasingly and Naruto just stared at her.

"No fair! Let me change back this isn't funny!" Naruto exclaimed and Urd laughed again but stopped when she saw a few familiar faces knocking at the front door of her new home.

Authors Notes.

I'll bet you really hate me right about now. As for my readers I'm willing to take any suggestions providing they're good ones but no guarantees. Nox is an original character that may or may not have a significant roll or even be more then mentioned I don't know right now. If he does make appearences expect to see plenty of drunk thunder gods with big hammers and troublmaking female demons trying to one up each other. Soon he'll be in the academy and I'll take suggestions for pranks there. Cyo!


	3. Chapter 3

I don't own either Ah! My Goddess or Naruto but I have mixed them rather well. And before we begin I'd like to open a poll as to an alternate version of this where a different one of the Nord sisters adopts Naruto. Pick your favourite or if you want someone outside of those three I want details on what that person is like.

"Speech"

//thoughts//

Story!

Urd grinned and made hushing movements to the still miniaturized Naruto who raised an eyebrow and immediately plotted revenge. Just as Urd was sneaking up on the guests which included a tall brunette leaning on a slightly shorter black haired guy with a small brunette girl on his shoulders... "Look out! Mommy's trying to scare you!" Naruto called out.

"Oh! Ruin my fun why don't you." Urd pouted.

"Well let me change back already!" Naruto shouted as Belldandy Keiichi and their daughter Megumi (named after her dearly departed aunt that she resembled to a T) spun around revealing their facial markings and status. (We all know Belldandy's markings so I'll skip that.) Keiichi had a green clockwork gear in the centre of his forehead and small loops with a solid circle in each end (think conveyer belt) on each cheek. The little girl had a green and blue helix on her forehead and each cheek.

"Ah! Sister it is true! Congratulations!" Belldandy said hugging Urd and giving Naruto a gentle kiss on the forehead (even though it was the size of his forehead.) "And welcome to the family little one." Belldandy said kindly.

"I wouldn't be so little if she'd let me change back..." Naruto grumbled a bit and Belldandy gave Urd a reproachful look.

"Oh fine! Ruin my fun, again!" Urd said as she set Naruto on the ground and he flashed back to his normal size... which was still barely up to Urd's waist. "Way to use your Aunt to guilt me! What next calling in favours from your grandma?" Urd asked and Naruto chuckled a bit as Keiichi smirked.

"Wow he's been yours for less then forty eight hours and he's already causing trouble..." Keiichi said shaking his head a little and Urd snorted at this.

"It's not me it's his natural instincts he's been doing it all on his lonesome. And it's absolutely hilarious! He actually flirted with a women three times his age like an old pro!" Urd said bragging as Keiichi looked towards Naruto his eyes wide and eyebrows raised.

"Hey Auntie! Been a while!" Megumi chirped cheerfully, there wasn't a devious bone in her body and so much like her mother Urd would swear they breathed in sync.

"Hello to you too Megumi. But what did I tell you about calling me Auntie?" Urd asked and Megumi stuck her index finger in her mouth thinking deeply.

"ummmmm... Oh yea! It makes you feel old!" Magumi said beaming and Urd sighed and face palmed.

"Urgh. What am I gonna do with you?" Urd asked metaphorically not expecting an answer.

"Spoil me rotten like always!" Megumi chirped and chuckling gently Keichi tried to shush her but it was out.

"Sorry Kiddo I got my own to spoil now. I don't have to borrow you now." Urd said and Megumi kicked the walkway.

"Aww Poo!" She said then covered her mouth and blushed like a girl caught swearing. Naruto raised an eyebrow at this having learned a MUCH more interesting word from Anko earlier.

"So I guess we're cousins now?" Naruto asked Megumi who's eyes lit up then glomped him. //I swear I'm tasting sugar as she touches me.// Naruto thought remembering the time he swiped a few sugar packets when he was younger and after fuelling up proceeded to be a living pinball in Konoha. Apparently two ANBU retired that day due to stress, they wanted to be in something more humane... like the torture division.

"Yay! Cousins! Oh sorry." Megumi said backing up and giving him space. //And the winner of the little miss saint award is... Megumi Morisato!// Urd thought grinning remembering little Megumi's namesake as well, earnest sweetness was in her blood to the point that she'd put money on a mosquito getting hyper off the little girl's blood. "Hey we might be staying for a little while can you show me around?"

"I don't know much myself so let's go exploring!" Naruto said excitedly and Megumi cheered and so began a rampant race through the complex until they came to a locked door. "Hey can you magic the lock open?" Naruto asked Megumi who nodded and a glowing hand later they opened the door.

"Aww crap! Look get out kids I'm trying to hide here!" a boy Naruto's age with shiny copper hair said as he tried to frantically push them out but together they were too strong for him.

"Wait... Cousin! Nox what happened to you? Why are you so small?" Megumi asked hugging him her eyes bright. He had two sweeping markings one red and one blue on his forehead and a lightning bolt on each cheek going down the left one red the right one blue.

"Chaos Magic, if it works it REALLY works... if not... well... It comes back and bites you." Nox said shrugging showing cynicism that should never come from a five year old. He was in baggy tan cargos with a short sleeve black dress shirt undone with nothing underneath showing his five year old six pack.

"Hey Naruto, Megumi find any... thing... YOU!!!" Urd said slowly going from kind to royally ticked off. Her aura turning dark red and her eyes glowing as an invisible wind shook he clothing and hair.

"Ohhh noooo..." Nox said backing up nervously. "I thought I'd at least have time to anti-magic the lock first."

"Fufufufu. It looks like little Noxarious is having some little problems. What's wrong chaos bite you?" Urd asked in a sickly sweet voice as Naruto and Megumi decided to get WAY out of the line of fire by getting behind her. "So what was it when you slipped a gender flipping potion into my Sake ten years ago? Oh yea... it was _funny_ well let's see something else funny little boy." Urd said as she grabbed a vial out of thin air with a fizzing blue liquid inside. Then in a flash she had the cork popped and Nox in a headlock with the vial in his mouth and his nose pinched.

A few moments of struggling later the liquid disappeared down the thick vial and into Nox before it was taken out and his body shifted. It wasn't much of a change but his muscle tone disappeared and his face became softer. "Ack! Urd this is low! You had the power to change back I don't right now! This is low..." Nox said. "My muscles..." he moaned sinking to his knees.

"Oh! Looks like I have two nieces now." Urd said smiling devilishly. "Oh don't worry you'll be able to regain your true form when your magic stabilizes again... that will take what? A decade? Maybe a decade and a half?" Urd asked evilly. "Consider this payment for running from your punishment for so long. You have to own up to your responsibilities." She said and Nox sneezed.

"Ohh sorry I'm allergic to bullshit, try living what you're preaching, Miss Part Time Love Goddess who can't stand when her mother plays matchmaker or even hints at it!" Nox retorted causing Urd to blush then scowl.

"That's it I'm calling your parents little lady." She said and turned to walk out.

"WHAT!? You can't be serious the things they'll do to me!!" Nox said grabbing onto her left ankle as she walked and getting dragged. "pleeeeease! I'm sorry don't call them for your fathers sake please noooooo...!"

"Alright I'll make sure your grandmother keeps them off you." Urd said sweetly and Nox was so shocked he pardon she let go of Urd's leg.

"Oh shit I'm screwed. No! Urd don't! Please for your father's sake don't!" Nox yelled chasing after Urd who had pulled out a cellphone.

"Hey Mara?... Yea it's Urd and you wouldn't believe who I found trying to hide in Midguard... yep it's him... actually some chaos magic apparently got him hard and he's pushing five again... oh that voice? It's him... that's because I've gotten him back for that incident ten years ago by doing the exact same thing... oh no you see her magic is still destabilized so you've got a daughter for maybe a good decade... oh you'll be right over? Be sure to tell mother she'll be _thrilled_." Urd said over the phone. "What was that?... oh yes of course I'm going to tell Thor... alright see you soon." Urd said then started redialling.

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!" Nox screamed and threw him Damnit herself onto Urd's Leg and bit down. He damn She had lost almost all of her magic by being turned into a kid again.

"ARGH! Get this brat offa me!" Urd screamed as she started running and a blast of lightning rumbled in the sky as a nine foot tall built like a brick shithouse man with a wild fiery beard and head of hair with a hammer as big as he is dropped onto the lawn in time to see Urd bolt out of the house with Nox's fangs in her ankle.

"Urd I heard ya scream over the phone what happened? Who's the..." Thor asked dislodging Nox from her ankle then getting a good look at the markings and hair colour. "I have ta remember the last thing I drank and get some more of it." he said calmly setting Nox down.

"No dad you're not drunk." Nox said brushing herself off.

"Hmm... did I forget to put on me gloves while grabbin Mjonllir?" Thor asked referring to the fact that without special protective gloves his hammer would blast anyone who touched it with lightning.

"No you are completely sober and not hallucinating in any way shape or form." Nox said staring his... her damnit! Father down despite the near six feet in height difference.

"You've been toying with high chaos magic again haven't ye?" Thor asked and Nox reluctantly nodded. "And why did ye bite your aunt?"

"That would be because he's a she now." Urd said grinning maliciously. Thor stood up and stared at her.

"So you turned the heartbreaker brat into a heartthrob girl? Sweet." Mara said coming through the hell portal.

"Ahh hell no!" Nox exclaimed and tried to make a bee line for the exit but was very, very easily caught by her mother.

"Well I did want a daughter." Mara remarked.

"Well excuse me for not choosing the right gender eight hundred years ago!" Nox spat but went pale when his grandmother stepped through the portal. "Oh nooo..."

"Now this is just too much!" Hild exclaimed crouching a little to be eye to eye with Nox in her new form. There was a silence for all of two seconds until. "Cuuuuuuteee!" Hild squealed gabbing Nox into a bone crusher hug. "Oh I can't wait to braid this hair! Oh! Maybe you'll start to identify with girls and start talking about cute boys!" Hild gushed just as Naruto, Megumi, Belldandy, and Keiichi walked in.

"You're kidding me. Nox what happened?" Keiichi asked a deadpanned expression on his face.

"Chaos Magic backlash and Aunty Urd do the math." Nox said and Keiichi raised an eyebrow and just gave Urd a look.

"What? Oh come on man! He deserved it!"

"Oh my... well Nox if it is any form of compensation you are quite fetching as a young girl. But you might want to button up your shirt." Belldandy said crouching down to be eye level with the cuddled child. "Oh my! Urd what happened to your ankle?"

"A little monster bit it." Urd said as she used a small amount of mana to painlessly heal her leg. Belldandy gave Nox a look and he... she blushed. //Damnit! Does she have to be such a freaking saint?!// Nox internally swore.

"So you're a girl now?" Naruto asked and Nox nodded with regret and Naruto burst out laughing, just to get socked in the jaw. "Hey! You're not a real girl I can still hit you!"

"Well put your money where your mouth is short stuff!" Nox said throwing her arms out daring him to take a shot. He took it straight to the face and a mini brawl began, that then became a literal mini brawl as both of them shrunk down and kept going at it at three inches tall until Megumi picked both of them up and held them apart.

"You shouldn't fight. It's bad!" Megumi said and Nox gave her an incredulous look.

"I'm half demon! I'm supposed to be bad!" Nox protested. He then focused then gave a deadpan expression. "Your mom taught you how to prevent close range transformations didn't she?" Nox asked and Megumi nodded happily.

"Un hunh! She taught me three weeks ago!" Megumi boasted.

"Isn't pride one of those seven deadly sins?" Nox asked and a look of absolute horror took over her face and started tearing up as Nox grinned.

"No... I didn't mean it. I'm a good girl... I have to be." Megumi said pure horror and grief being the only thing that could be read on her face.

"Damnit Nox! Megumi, you are a good girl. Nox was just being a jerk like he normally is." Keiichi said as Belldandy plucked Nox and Naruto out of her grasp and handed both of them to their respective mothers.

"Eight words and you have a goddess in tears. I'll take you out for beer tonight! Oh right a minor again I'm sorry!" Mara said

"Screw you!" Nox shouted right into her ear. Mara simply flicked him away and he caught himself by unfurling his wings. The right one was black up till the joint then a pristine white with the left being a colour swapped opposite. In that same instant he expanded to his normal size. (Sorry my original image of Nox was a male jerk with a golden heart so I'm having a problem making him a her.) "Not funny mom!" she shouted crossly.

"Ah don't complain lass. I won't force ye to Asgard or Nifleim. I'm sure that the wee ninja here would be all too happy to have a lass like you among them." Thor said hefting mjonllir one handed.

"I've heard that the ninja's can learn advanced healing techniques without the use of magic." Belldandy noted.

"Really? Wow." Megumi exclaimed.

"Ninja hunh?" Urd asked grinning down to Naruto who looked up and matched the same evil smirk.

"Unbelievable. I'm here all of half an hour and I'm drafted into the local freaking militia." Nox said and Thor held her up and gave her an even stare in the eye.

"Yer either being a Ninja here or I'm taking ye back to Asgard and Bastet has been yowling for yer blood." Thor said and Nox inched her head a little closer as if searching for a bluff.

"By the father you're serious..." Nox said wide eyed.

"We'll also have to get you a new wardrobe too." Mara mused.

"WHAT!?"

"Oh yes such an outfit is unbecoming of a young woman." Belldandy said.

"What is this pick on the demi-demon day?" Nox demanded.

"Well seeing as I'm fine I'd say no." Urd replied and got a glare with literal demon eyes boring into her.

"I guess Thor and I will be watching Naruto then?" Keiichi asked.

"A girl's afternoon out?" Hild suggested.

"Oh someone just kill me." Nox said as Mara forced her to chibi form.

"Hold the fort for us boys." Urd said walking off with swaying hips as Belldandy and Keiichi gave each other a light kiss and Thor picked up Naruto to stop him from running off.

"Say lad is there any good places to eat here?" Thor asked Naruto who grinned.

Authors Note

Sorry about the wait as stated in the polls my muse is insane. When I get ten votes to an original story I'll post it. But If a get an idea and I roll with it very well I'm posting it votes be damned.


	4. Chapter 4

I don't own Naruto or Ah! Megami-Sama! I think I've finally settled on the humour here, it's about how totally utterly and irretrievably more powerful and informed the immortals are and how they use it to coast through everything and make complete and total idiots out of everyone they don't like.

"Speech"

//thoughts//

Story!

"I hate you all and all that you stand for." Nox said pure venom in her voice as she was being hounded into a change room that Urd had gleefully put an outfit that she and Megumi had picked out.

"Even me?" Megumi asked.

"Especially you." Nox said with pure venom and grinned when she watched her tear up but was smacked in the side of the head by Urd.

"Be nice to your cousin!" she told him glaring at her as Mara giggled with Hild. The bop on the head was distraction enough to have her shoved into the change room. "Now you're not getting out until you put that on." Urd said as Nos started pounding on the door. It actually shook a little. There was a silence for a little.

"Alright it's on." Nox said tersely though the door.

"Nice try wise guy but I've been listening, you haven't changed at all. You're not getting out until I see you in a neko hat, tight shorts, short skirt, stockings, shoes and a sweater. All pink." Urd said smugly.

"I'm going to hurt you in ways and places you can't even imagine." Nox swore darkly and the sound of rustling clothes was heard. "It's done." She said and Urd opened the door and several camera flashes went off from Hild's and Mara's direction.

Nox scowled darkly and tried to slam the door but Urd blocked it. "See Megumi I told you all pink would be a good look." Urd said as Megumi ran up Nox and started admiring the outfit.

"Oh it's so cute! I want one too! Mommy can I have one please?" Megumi asked Belldandy who nodded gently.

"If this is bought it's getting burned the moment the transaction is complete." Nox swore glaring at them.

"Fine, but we are walking out of here with at least a weeks worth of girl's clothing." Urd said and they glared at each other.

"FINE but I get to say what clothes I get." Nox said her eyes glowing red.

"Alright, alright but one of us has to approve." Urd said and Nox slammed the door and quickly changed back.

Two hours later.

"You do realize that I will be carving this out of your hides." Nox said darkly leaving the store. She was in a tight black t-shirt and shorts with a blue skirt and green vest and had a pair of shinobi sandals. Urd had used magic to adhere the pink Neko hat to her head.

"Even mine?" Megumi asked innocently.

"Yes." Nox said with pure poison in his voice and Megumi recoiled in fear and Nox was swatted again by Mara this time.

"If you're going to snap at least bring her to tears." Mara reprimanded and Nox swatted at her hand.

"I am eight hundred and forty three years old I do not need a lesson in manners." Nox said dryly glaring up at her mother.

"You are three feet tall, have no sexual drive, and your magical powers are nearly gone. You are a child in need of guidance." Hild said back. "That and you're so pinchably cute!" she exclaimed grabbing the side of Nox's cheek.

"Grandma knock it off! Compared to you most gods are toddlers!" Nox shouted at her and a twitch appeared above Hild's eyes. "Oh crap." Nox said and tried to make break for it but Hild had her instantly and was spanking the little girl hard enough to make her scream.

"You do not ever mention a ladies age! It looks like I'll have to teach you all your manners all over again!" Hild said each word accompanying an echoing spank. "AND... little brat used her magic to knock herself out." Hild noted with a frown.

"Well that's one way out of the pain... but she didn't really think as to what we could do to her in her sleep." Mara noted and Belldandy gave her a reproving look that she brushed off. "Now I say we mind screw her so that she becomes a girl among girls without even knowing it." Mara said and suddenly Nox's arm lashed out and grabbed a passing ninja's giant shuriken and was sucked into it. "Little brat was faking it!" Mara swore but Hild laughed.

"Don't worry she's in Konoha, where else can she go? She's made too many enemies in both Asgard and Niflheim to be truly safe anywhere else. Besides I can always do this." Hild explained and her arm shot forwards and disappeared and she pulled it back with a snap and had Nox by her vest.

"Crap." Nox said.

"Now let's get you settled into that room you were so dead set at staying in not too long ago and we'll be done." Urd said.

"By the way this cute little number is now your work clothes Nox I reset it for you. It isn't proper for a girl to go around with a bare chest after all." Hild said and Nox swore so badly that Megumi fainted, she was swatted by Belldandy this time as they walked through the archways.

"I still can't believe you had that much! I mean good grief kid you're worse then your mother with saké!" Keiichi said and a small motherboard from a computer he had left on the front step flashed and he reappeared with Naruto in tow.

"So where's the oaf?" Mara asked.

"Some business in Asgard he only came down because he heard Urd scream over the phone when Nox bit her." Keiichi said and Nox got swatted by Urd again.

"Knock it off!" Nox shouted at her and when Urd tried to swat her again bit the hand, hard.

"GYAAA YOU FREAKING BRAT!!" Urd screamed whipping her hand away taking Nox with it and he was launched into the air and slammed into Naruto.

"Damnit I miss my magic." Nox muttered getting up, "Now I'm stuck here and like this, #$^&ing brilliant." Nox swore and Naruto chuckled. "Oh shut up."

"Make me. OWW!" Naruto said and got socked in the face. The brawl from earlier resumed except this time Nox shrunk to avoid a high kick and went back to normal size to give a vicious uppercut. "No fair! You cheated!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Demon." Nox said grinning viciously showing off her fangs.

"Anyways why don't we all just settle in and then bring the children to the Shinobi Academy tomorrow? A good night's sleep and a filling breakfast will put us all in better moods." Belldandy said in her typical friendly manner and a general agreement was had.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN WE HAVE TO SLEEP TOGETHER!? IT'S ONLY TEN ANYWAYS!!" Nox was heard shouting hours later. There was a surge of power from Mara and her protests were cut short. The rest of the night went smoothly and quietly.

"I can't believe you Nox don't you have any manners at all?" Keiichi asked around the breakfast table and Nox gave a huge and abrasive burp.

"Nope none." Nox said grinning at the looks of exasperation.

One hour later.

They were in class and the teacher, a young women with lines of grey in her brown hair and a thin figure was taking attendance. Megumi earned a smile for her sweet mannerisms, Nox chalk upside the head for napping and Naruto a shout because he wouldn't calm the hell down. The class seemed normal and was more of a huge history lesson then ninja training. The lunch bell rang not to long later.

"Hunh? Wha...? Yea I did it whacha gonna do bout it?" Nox muttered sleepily before Naruto smacked her in the head and got the retaliatory punch strait in the gut.

"Come on cat girl lunch time." Naruto said and Nox stood up muttering.

"Come on! Mother made the lunches they're going to be divine!" Megumi said and chuckled a bit at the joke, Naruto smirked and Nox groaned.

"Well duh you're mother's basically a divine maid who can't get her head around the slightest dark concept, a slug is better rounded then her." Nox muttered but Megumi caught it and started to cry.

"Why do you have to be such a jerk Nox?!" Naruto spat at her.

"Demon, it's in the job description." Nox replied.

"You're half goddess too ya prick! Would it kill you to show some of your father in you?!" Naruto snapped back.

"...Yes? Do you know how hard it is to balance two sides? You mother had to give grandma the cold shoulder for thousands upon thousands of years before she learned the trick of it. If you don't do it right the energies inside you will rip you to shreds. So the mind is either in demon or god mode. It takes a LOT to balance them right, Megumi is fully on her goddess side despite the similarities between Spirits and Gods. I'm mostly in my Demon half but I am working at it. You have a third portion which will let you jump back and forth no problem. So don't ****ing criticize me." Nox snarled into Naruto's face and he blanched.

"J-just how powerful are we?" he asked with a halting breath.

"Any one of our parents could make or break this world like that." Nox said snapping her fingers. "These powers are tied into our souls and emotions, we need to control them or they will control us. I don't have much control of my divine powers so if I use them too much or act like a God too much then it takes me over and dominates me. I. Do. Not. Want. That. To. Happen." She said through gritted teeth and Naruto took a step back.

"So it's not that you want to be mean but you have to be?" Naruto asked and Nox snorted.

"Hardly, it's just that there are a lot of people that still won't let me forget the last time I was nice." Nox said bitterly a haunting purring noise in the back of his head. "To put it in other words it's like getting drunk one way or another, you have to pick your poison. It's the same with all immortals, we're still people and the pull of our power to one direction or another is massive. Your mother's been helping me come to grips with pop's blood but it's only been the last twenty years I could even acknowledge him as my pops without losing myself." Nox said. "So yea, I'm an asshole and proud of it."

"Does everyone have this problem?" Naruto asked and Megumi shook her head.

"No, there aren't very many hybrids. I only know of four and that's you, me, Noxarius, and your mom. All of us but you are half-breeds so we don't have a third blood buffering us. Anyways we better go I think the teacher might start to listen in soon and that would be bad." Megumi said and Nox sneered as her way of nodding to this logic as she followed them both out.

"So where are we eating?" Naruto asked and raised an eyebrow as a small gaggle of students rushed up to them.

"Hey! You're the guy who turned little! Can you do it again?" A voice asked it was identified as Sakura's in the group. Suddenly Nox disappeared.

"Meh, lunch'll be bigger if I'm small. Now beat it!" she muttered then shouted the last bit with so much force that a few of them fell backwards. Intimidated by the tone they ran off. "That was fun." Nox said regaining her normal size and stretching, then got punched in the head by Naruto.

"You didn't have to scare them for crying out loud! What's wrong with you!?" He demanded and was glared at straight to the eyes by Nox.

"Demon!" Nox shouted in his face pointing to her markings. "You freaking stupid mutt get it through your head I'm a bad guy! I'm a monster! A villain! I'm evil!" Nox snarled into his face and his eyes widened.

"Snrk... pfft... heheheheh. That's a good one, your not evil, a jackass yea but not evil." Naruto replied straight to her face and Nox flicked him in the nose then went off alone. "What's wrong with her?" Naruto asked not really expecting an answer.

"Something really, really bad happened. So bad that even though it was two hundred years ago she's still hurting bad." Megumi said with her heart in her eyes.

"What?" Naruto asked curious.

"Not my place to say. I don't really know everything myself, only that she tried being good and got hurt very, very badly and hurt someone else in such a way that if she ever sees her again she might try to kill her!" Megumi said and Naruto's eyes were wide.

"So... why hassle her so much? If she's hurting why add to it?" Naruto asked as they found a spot under a tree.

"A little pain can be used to ignore a big one. With all of last night's craziness, being turned into a five year old then a girl then the clothes then sleeping with her mom. She was actually able to sleep for the first time in two hundred years." Megumi explained and Naruto dropped the piece of sushi he had picked up with his chopsticks.

"What can be that bad? What can possibly hurt a demon that bad?" Naruto asked and Megumi shrugged.

"I don't know no one talks about it, everyone just gets really sad or really angry and no one says anything! All I know is that something happened between Nox and Bast and now she wants to hurt him and he's too sad to stop her!" Megumi exclaimed.

"Just shut up you two. I could hurt you two very badly for talking about this and not even Kami would find fault in it." Nox said leaning around the tree.

"But what is it? What could be so bad?" Naruto asked too curious for his own good and got punched in the face. Hard. Hard enough to knock him out. He came back to about ten minutes later.

"Now you see how much Nox is hurting?" Megumi asked.

"I see how much of a dick she is." Naruto replied rubbing his jaw where she belted him. "How much of lunchtime is left?"

"About twenty minutes, then the class separates between boys and girls." Megumi said. "Look Naruto, somethings just aren't talked about. What happened between Nox and Bast is one of them." Megumi said and the rest of lunch was eaten in silence until about five minutes before the bell.

"I AM NOT FAT!!" a boy bellowed.

"RIGHT YOU'RE JUST THREE FEET TOO SHORT!" Nox shouted back.

"I'M BIG BONED!!" Choji bellowed back as Naruto and Megumi arrived on the scene.

"Walruses are big boned, whales are big boned. Seeing as you are not an aquatic mammal you are fat F A T fat!" Nox shouted back.

"Gragh!" Choji bellowed his warcry and tried to smash Nox only to be held back by the hand of the dainty looking girl.

"Look chunky if you fly off the handle with a single insult then your going to get yourself gutted like a pig. This is your wakeup call real world's knockin'." Nox intoned in a dangerous tone.

"What!?" Choji snarled glaring daggers at her and kicking up the ground as he tried to push back the girl who was now using two fingers on his collarbone to hold him at bay.

"Pathetic." Nox said stepping to the side and letting Choji fall flat on his face and bite the sod. "Look porker you need to develop a skin for insults. A lot of fighters will make fun of you to throw you off your game, lose your temper lose the fight. Learn to keep it chunky." Nox said stepping on Choji's back as she walked back towards the academy just in time for the bell to ring.

"What a pain... you okay Choji?" Shikimaru asked looking over the boy who had only turned over and was thinking hard.

"Do I... have a short temper? Is it really that bad?" Choji asked.

"Well... troublesome... all someone has to do is say fat and..." Shikimaru started

"I AM NOT FAT!!" Choji shouted.

"See? That's what she's saying, you lose your temper too easily... It's troublesome but she's right, anyone can get a rise out of you and make you do something stupid, and I'd rather not have my best friend run blind into a trap." Shikimaru said in his typical lazy manner.

"I'm not looking forward to being here if she is." Choji said.

"Me neither." Shikimaru replied.

Author Notes.

Alright the characters are fleshed out a little and now we have a reason why certain people act certain ways. The three immortals are Gods/Goddesses ex: Belldandy goddess of the present. Spirits ex: Keiichi spirit of technology. Demons ex: Mara demon of Bad luck. Spirits vary, demons are assholes, and Gods are so law abiding it's ridiculous. Their powers are also like that, Gods have clean looking and a ton of healing powers. Demons have messy looking powers that cause a ton of pain by any standard and Spirits are sitting in the middle of that.

By the way if ten reviews want Nox's past with Bast revealed it will be.

The next chapter is basically a summery of the more entertaining points of ninja training then the pure unholy/holy/eternal hell that Naruto, Nox, and Megumi as a single Genin team will cause. I'm also taking suggestions for a Jounin instructor and they can be some random god or demon or spirit you make up that's killing time in Konoha. Just tell me about appearance, personality, powers and their past and I'll run with it.


	5. Chapter 5

If I keep repeating disclaimers I'll sound like a bloody parrot.

"Speech"

//thoughts//

**Powers.**

Eleven years came and went, quickly for some and not quickly enough for others but let's take a quick peek at the more defining, important or just Laugh Out Loud Funny moments. The breaks will be notified, and they are in no specific order. It will also be answering a few questions. After the breaks we will see the genin exams.

Break.

Naruto was walking on his own in the Uchiha distract when he came upon Nox with a pair of bagpipes of all things. "I'm afraid to ask but why the hell do you have bagpipes at three in the morning in the middle of a residential area?" He asked looking at her incredulously and she shrugged.

"Having a little fun." She said before she gave out a blaring wail out of the pipes. "FIRE! FIRE!" she shouted getting the proper pitch and rhythm of an alarm. "FIRE FIRE!!" she shouted still holding it. "There done." She said as they heard a great deal of cursing as people rushed out of there homes looking for the flames. "They'll be in a panic all night." Nox said and Naruto raised an eyebrow.

"How? As soon as they realize it was a gag they'll just go back to sleep." Naruto said and Nox pulled out a flattened paper airplane and tossed it at a nearby wall, where it blew up and fire spread down the streets covering nearby walls. "WHY!?"

"Oh relax, they were gonna demolish these buildings tomorrow anyways." Nox said and she walked up to a nearby alleyway and touched a trashcan lid to disappear into the metal.

"Oh shit I gotta bail." Naruto swore and he ran headlong and vanished into the fire.

Break

"Um... miss uh... miss Nox... I uh got this for you." Ryu said as he handed Nox a daisy and walked away running a nervous hand through his messy brown hair with a shellshocked demon behind him as he walked out of the nearly empty classroom the remaining students staring.

"W...wh... what the fuck?" Nox asked.

"Hoe Lee Crap." Naruto said stunned.

"Oh dear." Megumi whispered blushing.

Choji was just plain staring and Shikimaru was still asleep.

Break

Nox walked home and first thing she did when she got there was grab a butcher knife and start chasing Urd. "I'm gonna murder you for using that potion on me SCREW THE DUBLET SYSTEM YOU'RE DEAD NORN!!!!" she screamed chasing down Urd who had used a potion to put her on a date with Ryu, he had been a perfect gentleman but Nox still identified fully as a male and as such now owed Urd one homicide courtesy of a kitchen knife. She was stopped by Hild who had a video of the whole thing.

That potion had turned Nox into a sweet gushy girl who had given him a kiss. Nox was currently seeing red and swearing in twenty different languages as Hild held her back one handed and was giggling.

Break

"Is it just me or are we being followed?" Naruto asked after class.

"Well we are but I'm going to say you're delusional anyways." Nox replied as they walked home.

"Oh goodness who's following us?" Megumi asked a little scared.

"Good Grief you two are thick. It's your freaking fanclubs and stalkers." Nox said and got a sideways look of shock from both and facepalmed then sighed. "They have crushes on either one of you."

"How sweet." Megumi said beaming and made to turn when Nox stopped her and kept her going forwards along with a creeped out Naruto who needed no prompting.

"It's not the cute way Megumi, it's the climb into your window and cut some of your hair for a shrine way." Naruto said chills going down his spine. "They're surprisingly good at stealth."

"Okay I think for some twisted masochistic reason some of them are after me too." Nox whispered.

"Ryu and Nox in a car, are they naked OW DAMNIT NOX!!" Naruto began singing but got a kick in the shins that would snap the bones of a human, lightly bruise an immortal.

"Now the plan is that we split up and use our mediums to teleport directly home. Megumi the park's coming up duck behind a tree and disappear. Naruto hit the roofs use a minor katon at low power and dive into it and I'll hit an alleyway and use a garbage can or sewer grill. Ready?" Nox asked and both nodded. "BREAK!!" She shouted and all three of them bolted with Naruto jumping high and out of sight, Nox dashing to the left and Megumi running headlong into a park swinging around a tree and vanishing into the bark.

Naruto flashed through a set of three handsigns and breathed a fireball the size of his head and dove into it vanishing while Nox ran along the ally and fell into the metal of a sewer grill. Naruto fell out of a sudden flare of fire at the family estate as Megumi stepped out of a nearby tree panting a little and Nox shot out of the iron grate. "Fans. Why did it have to be fans?" Megumi asked and Nox snorted. "What? I'm serious! The thought of them thinking about me that much is creepy." Megumi said.

"Yea but your mother wouldn't think so. You're finally showing your father's side." Naruto said and Megumi blushed a little.

"Well it's just that... well you know knowing someone like Nox..." Megumi started to explain and Naruto shot Nox a questioning look and she shrugged. "I know that not everything is completely good." Megumi said and Nox nodded.

Break

Megumi was being stared at and was getting nervous. This was more then the gaggle of normal boys that kept asking her for dates, she thought it was sweet but politely declined everything they offered her. She was unnerved that Nox had taken to tying up her pursuers, stripping them naked and dumping them in the middle of the market, she lost her fanclub rather quickly. She was starting to get nervous during her lunch break and decided to eat at home instead so she calmly walked around a tree nearby that had a swing on it and vanished into the wood without witnesses to begin her tradition of eating at home.

Break

"Fifty Ryo says they capture and rape him." Nox said to Naruto who gave her a sideways glance. All three immortal academy students were watching a chase scene between Sasuke Uchiha and his fanclub.

"Shirt and shorts get ripped off but he gets away." Naruto replied grinning.

"Escapes and lives happily ever after." Megumi said and slowly Nox and Naruto turned to their left to look at her straight in the eyes. "What?" she asked and Nox groaned and shook her head.

"You see Naruto? Full on deities are pansies." Nox said and Naruto nodded.

"But demons have no friends!" Megumi protested.

"I'd rather be alone then surrounded by people who I can't depend on when it gets to the wire." Nox replied.

"Alright you've both made your points, drop it now." Naruto said playing the straight man again to the bickering and distantly related cousins. "By the way Nox you owe me Fifty Ryo, you too Megumi." Naruto said calmly as a nearly naked 'Last Uchiha' dashed away below them.

"Son of a fucking bitch." Nox swore passing Naruto the money as Megumi politely handed hers over with a smile.

Break

Nox opened the door because absolutely no one else was around and saw a woman a little shorter then he was with a cat's head staring at him. "Hello Bast. I see I'm having nightmares again." Nox noted calmly knowing that his true six foot six athlete's form had been restored and only a single mark on his head was red to herald his demonic nature the rest showed his father's influence and were a crystal blue. She was beautiful despite her feline features and was wearing an elegant toga with golden clasps. She had heavy Egyptian influence in all of her features.

"Take you punishment for killing our child!" She screamed stabbing him through the stomach with a scimitar.

"It was a miscarriage, I could not have killed our child any more then you could." He replied knowing full well it would not stop nor would the tears.

"SHUT UP! I AM A GODDESS OF MOTHERHOOD I CAN'T HAVE A MISCARRAGE YOU KILLED HER!!!" Bast screamed tearing into him with her claws and Nox still couldn't do anything as she pulled his body apart screaming and crying bitterly at the same time.

She woke up breathing heavily. She sat up with a groan and tears fell a little, then her markings returned to their normal near total red as she threw away her grief and laid back down... with the exception of a tiny sliver of blue on her left cheekbone as a tear rolled down it unnoticed having turned that touch of red to blue. "I don't get it, I haven't had that dream since I moved here... why tonight?" She asked. //By Hell please don't tell me it's because mom isn't here... I became an adult when I hit eighteen I can't be such a kid anymore... although... Megumi is just as old as I am and never... grew......... up// she thought as she passed out.

Break

Naruto, Megumi and Nox were all taking the scenic route to school IE not teleporting when they came upon a dead body. "NOX!!" Naruto shouted at her.

"Hey, that's not my handiwork I don't leave the faces on." Nox protested and Naruto stared. "What?"

"Good grief, hey isn't this one of the Uchiha Military Police?" Naruto asked and Megumi gasped while Nox shrugged.

"Yep and was blindsided by a high level user of a Ninjato who primarily used Iaido instead of Kendo style swordsman ship common to single blade slashing swords." Nox said comfortably and both Naruto and Megumi stared. "What now?" Nox asked.

"How the hell did you know that?" Naruto asked.

"I may not be in tune with my goody two shoes god side but that part of me is a god of war. As such I can read battles including the aftermath at a glance. This person was caught with his pants down by an overwhelmingly more powerful opponent who had him completely where he wanted him. This was no fight, this is slaughter." Nox said slowly staring at the corpse. //A fight shouldn't be like this... this is just... wrong.// She thought not realizing the tiny sliver of blue on her left lightning bolt marking widened ever so little but widened none the less. "Let's just get out of here, there's nothing we can do either way but piss on the corpse and out of all three of us only I want to and only Naruto really can." Nox said getting a thrill out of the looks on their faces.

Break

"Hmm? Megumi? What's that?" Naruto asked as she fiddled with an envelope she had found in her bookbag.

"Oh, um... it's...ah... a letter." Megumi said blushing as she paced nervously.

"From who?" Naruto asked and she blushed deeper and mumbled something that no human could have caught but to Naruto it was loud and clear. "Sasuke Uchiha!? Unbelievable one of the two girls not interested in him and he wants her." Naruto said in astonishment.

"Well probably because he knows that if he gave me that letter I'd pass it to one of his fangirls with a bit of modification and watch the fun." Nox said grinning widely. "Saaaay Megumi mind if I borrow that letter for a moment?" she asked and Megumi took a step away from her. "Killjoy." Nox pouted.

"So you actually going to meet him or whatever he wants?" Naruto asked and Megumi blushed and nodded.

Break

"Remind me why we're doing this again?" Naruto asked Nox as they stalked Megumi and Sasuke on a date.

"One, I'm curious. Two, the blackmail potential is colossal. Three,..."

"I'm going home." Naruto said getting ready to do a fire jutsu.

"Its good stealth training and we're making sure she's okay?" Nox said quickly getting Naruto to stop moulding energy and sigh.

"Fine but if I catch you trying to blackmail her I'll tell your mother you've started to return Ryu's feelings without Urd sneaking things in your food." Naruto threatened and Nox's eyes went wide then narrowed, thanks to Urd she might as well have been going steady with the kid. That just plain pissed Nox off.

"And if you do that I'll tell yours and Belldandy that you've developed a crush on Megumi." Nox said and they narrowed their eyes at each other and glared at one another for a minute until... "Oh shit where did they go? They gave us the slip!" Nox swore.

"Damnit!" Naruto said and they both sighed and teleported home Naruto using a fire jutsu and Nox jumping into an empty dumpster in the ally below.

"Ah kids, it's great the way they're getting along so well." Mara said sniggering slightly as Belldandy giggled a little at the thought of her daughter's first date and Urd was snickering at the spat between Naruto and Nox. All three of them had been spying on Nox and Naruto as well as Megumi and Sasuke.

"Still Naruto's really bringing out the best in both of them, now we have a date to spy on." Urd said.

"But Sister we should respect their privacy! If something happens I trust Megumi to be responsible and come straight home, if something happens she will tell me about it." Belldandy said effectively killing the stalking mood.

"Joykill. Let's just go home and badger them about it later." Urd said and took off.

"Well I'm gonna keep watching, get some good material." Mara said and she took off after Megumi and Sasuke.

"Oh dear." Belldandy said so she placed a slight shield over her daughter so Mara couldn't find her.

Break

"Alright Hades, I'll see your eighty and raise you another forty." Sarutobi said comfortably blowing out a cloud of smoke from his pipe. The game was Texas Hold-Em and Sarutobi was playing like an old pro. He had Hades to his right, Lucifer beyond him, followed by Odin then finally Ra. It was the last hand and Ra gave out a whistle.

"Crap, I must fold." Ra said revealing a pair of twos and then taking a gulp of wine from a bottle. Hades stroked his ash white beard and Odin scratched the side of his jaw. Lucifer looked uncomfortable and fidgeted a bit. This human was devious! There was a ten an ace and a jack all spades. Lucifer had a horrible sneaking suspicion as to where the queen and king were.

"I fold too." Lucifer said sighing showing that he had a jack and an ace.

"Don't need the well of wisdom to tell me where this is going." Odin said with a sigh showing a three and eight. He heaved up a tankard of ale to wash down some garlic bread that was on the table. Sarutobi just kept his face perfectly straight.

"Oh, damnit I'll just cut my losses." Hades said tossing down his cards without bothering to flip them. "Let's see em monkey." He said and Sarutobi chuckled and revealed his hand of the ten of hearts and diamonds. "YOU UNBELIEVABLE BASTARD!!" he shouted as Lucifer just started howling in laughter.

"Goodness gracious." Ra said exasperated bested by a mortal the shame of it all!

"I'm glad I'm drunk." Odin remarked filling up his tankard again and downing it just as fast before going for round ten.

"By Lady Hild you're something else human!" Lucifer said chuckling this was the first time he'd been bested by a human and there was so much irony there it was deliciously hard to swallow.

"Heh, heh, heh. And the mortal takes the pot." Sarutobi said laughing knowing that these four would not forget this for a long, long time. Long after he was dead these four would still be pissed at him.

Break

"Hey Nox. If you had one wish yourself, what would you ask for?" Naruto asked. Hild had filled him in on the... depressing details of Nox's incident with Bastet.

"Where the fuck did that come from?" Nox asked.

"Humour me." Naruto said.

"Bite me." Nox said then her eyes widened. "Not literally you little bastard!" she screeched beating him around the head as he tried to get a good bite on her leg. "Fine I wish that Bast never miscarried you fucking happy!?" she screamed at him and he backed up knowing he was on _very_ thin ice.

Break

"Hmm this could be fun." Urd said to herself as she noticed a certain lavender eyed girl watching her son and grinned viciously. She quickly ran home and grabbed a small vial. Finding the girl again she made herself invisible and upended the contents onto the girls head. It was instantly absorbed, Hinata never felt a thing. Then all her inhabitations just plain vanished. She ran forwards with reckless abandon, tackled Naruto down and proceeded to try and pry out his tonsils using only her tongue. "Another job well done for the goddess of love." Urd said to herself as she took a few 'family photos' (Blackmail)

Break

Skuld had just arrived and it wasn't long until she and Urd were going at it. It was broken up though by Nox of all people. "Move it broads!" she shouted knocking them back a bit.

"What's your problem Poison girl? Hit your first period at six?" Urd called as Skuld tried to catch up. She had been busy as hell upgrading Yggdrasil, Ardrassil, and Nordrassil to keep things in top efficiency. A fifty year job finished just three days prior. (The supercomputers of heaven, hell and purgatory.)

"**** you Urd!" Nox shouted "Oh that's just ****ing hilarious Skulds got a censorship aura, well that's just ****** **** ****ing perfect!"

"Welcome to the madness Skuld." Urd said patting her sister on the shoulder.

Break

"Alright now students. You've all passed the genin exam with flying colours. Although three of you could have done better if you weren't so keen to play around, outright insult the examiners or so downright humble." Iruka said with a pointed look up towards where his three immortal students sat. It was a rather easy guess as to who had done what.

They had grown over the years and developed their powers to a potent level. They were each in their standard 'immortal' clothing with only a few add ons. To Naruto the add on was that he had a fishnet muscle shirt under his vest and a pair of fingerless gauntlets that reached down to his elbows. Megumi was in a green version of her mother's own outfit that suited her well as she began to resemble Belldandy over her late Aunt more. Nox hadn't changed much but had (to her utter embarrassment) grown out very well and for some reason couldn't either teleport out of Konoha or use her shapeshifting abilities. She had a sneaking suspicion someone was blocking it (She was right to scratch the surface the culprits are: Hild, Mara, Thor, Loki, Lucifer, Mao, Beelzebub, Skuld, Urd, Pan, Aphrodite and the list goes on and on and on.) so she had added a t-shirt and was wearing an unzipped black hooded jacket in place of a semi formal t-shirt unbuttoned. She had also done all in her power to stay away from skirts so she was in comfy looking trackpants and sandals as well.

"Team one. Naruto Uzumaki, Megumi Morisato and Nox Demonis under Athena Olympia." Iruka read off and Nox cheered.

"Yes! Finally! At least she'll get us into bloody combat!" Nox exclaimed then flipped off the classroom.

"Alright that enough now..." Iruka started before a woman with short brown hair, angular features, a heavily muscular build, wearing a jonin outfit walked into the room with a huge halberd slung over her shoulder.

"Oi! Nox Naruto Megumi up on the roof" She barked at them then marched out the other way.

"Alright you three just go." Iruka said exasperated and the three best and worst students he ever had bailed. In moments they were on the roof.

"Good timing. Now sit down, I'm told one of the traditions round these parts is a sort of formal introduction so I guess I'll start. As you know my name is Athena, I'm from the Olympic pantheon. I'm a goddess of war, hearth, and owls. I fight with spears, axes and the earth itself. I love a good fight a peaceful night to watch the stars and a well cooked meal. I hate it when someone can't get over themselves or rub things in people's faces. My element is Earth with stone as my transportation medium, hot drinks are my energy source. You next blondie." Athena said and Naruto grinned.

"Naruto Uzumaki! God of hope, spirit of chaos, and demon of retribution. I'm of the Norse pantheon thanks to mom. I use all sorts of fire and lightning attacks in battle but I normally use them up close, the expressions on their faces..." Naruto said grinning deviously. "I dislike people who can't let go of things that happened and bloody well move on despite everything logical telling them to do so." He continued meaning the fact that some villagers were still on his case! "I like playing with fire and screwing with people's heads. My element is fire with lighting mixed in like moms and my energy source is Ramen. I use fire to teleport." He said comfortably.

"As you know I'm Noxarius or Nox for short. As a demon primarily I'm not in a pantheon but if I was I'd be in the Norse pantheon thanks to dad, I am a prince of hell th... SHUT UP NARUTO!" she shouted pounding the laughing blond in the face. "Anyways I'm a god of war, and a demon of poison. I use all sorts of tainted weapons in a fight but I'm not adverse to simply snapping someone in two barehanded. I dislike... something... going so wrong... I like getting into a good fight and _I'd really like to get back into my freaking natural form!" _ Nox said getting pissed causing a round of giggling from the girls from the girls and Naruto chuckled at the last bit. "My element is metal with a powerful poison mixed in and my transportation medium is again metal. My energy source is spicy food as such I go all out on curry and tacos." Nox said and there were a few grins.

"Megumi Morisato. I'm also part of the Norse pantheon and I am a goddess of healing and a spirit of nature. I... don't fight but I like to heal and protect. I dislike it when people try to hurt each other and seeing people in pain. I like helping others but sitting under a tree on a sunny day with a good book is nice to. I also like my boyfriend..." Megumi said shyly. "My energy source is sunlight. My element is plants of all kind and they're also my teleportation focus." She said softly.

"Very good. Now what you three... breezed through was a qualification exam. The real genin exam begins right now, you have to find me and defeat me in combat. I will not leave Konoha and this is my only teleportation." Athena said and she jumped off the building and sunk into the stones in the courtyard

"Oh this is too easy. Come on you two I can take you to her instantly." Nox said grinning and holding out her hands.

"Where?" Megumi asked.

"You'll see, come on I'll need all the help I can get she's a first class war goddess." Nox said and both Naruto and Megumi ran forward and grabbed her arm and disappeared into the metal pole.

"Holy crap!" Athena shouted as Nox followed by Naruto and Megumi soared out of her halberd and she was soon dodging a naginata dripping with poison as well as close range fire blasts and the fact that all of nature was ganging up on her! She stomped the ground causing it to break and shoot up spires and walls in a hope to divide them but Naruto charged through as the grass grabbed her by the sandals and Nox came down with the naginata dripping with acid. "ALL RIGHT YOU WIN!" she shouted.

The attack ended and all three were grinning at her. "Don't let it get to your heads. I didn't anticipate that you all had developed your powers so far. Although all three of you are more then a mach to any human you have a long way to against a war god." She said confidently and Nox coughed pointedly. "Oh right." She said. "We will meet in this training ground at seven tomorrow morning. Do not be late or I will double your training." Athena said.

Done!

Whew this took a while. And yes Megumi is Nox's age, in fact she's a touch older by divine standards (four years!) and Nox initially grew up at a human rate but... part of him was still at his divine age. So he wasn't able to emotionally deal with Bast's miscarriage properly and things just spiralled out of control until it became a total trainwreck. Just because they're immortal doesn't mean they can't make mistakes. Nox despite being a demon is on good terms with most war gods mostly due to the fact that he/she is one him/herself. Also my reasons behind Athena's and Nox's weapons is that I remember reading somewhere that some people want to see something more then a Huge Sword. So a huge spear should give us some diversity.


	6. Chapter 6

This is a fanfiction… Why Am I putting up a Disclaimer!?

"Speech"

//thoughts//

I've been wanting to do the wave arc for a while but things delayed it with Stress being one of them. I don't respond well to it I just start to shut down.

Time for the story

_"…I'm gonna skin that cat."_ Nox sent over her communications as she got a curved knife ready.

_"Oh Shit. Megumi you'd better find that poor thing first!" _Athena sent and there was a rush as Megumi started looking frantically from above spreading her white wings with a brown trim on the edges. //There!// she thought and dove down to catch the animal and forced a bit of her calming aura into the creature putting it to sleep.

"DIE!!" Nox shouted appearing over the rooftop and diving down towards Megumi her eyes glowing a sinister red and her markings almost totally red. It had taken Naruto a while to figure it out but thanks to Nox's powerful blood on both sides her markings would change depending on the mood. Normally they were mostly red with one fully blue one but if Nox was annoyed it would show nearly pure demon with only a sliver of blue here and there. That and an acid drenched weapon being waved around was a good indicator too.

Naruto dived out of the sky his wings showing that the upper half of both were black the lower were white and like Megumi the edges had a trim the same colour as his hair. He rammed into Nox and sent about thirty thousand volts straight into her nervous system. Her first spasm threw him off so hard he left an indent in a nearby stone wall. "Alright enough clowning around you three, let's go." Athena said as Megumi stroked Tora gently and it purred loudly around snores.

Nox smirked at the sight of Athena's Halberd. Apparently she and Ares had made a bet during their last spar and Athena having lost was not allowed to use her typical weapons or armour unless she was fighting a god of equal strength for the next fifty years. Well… forty three now.

"Alright that's a good job all of you, now next on the list of D ranks are either, walking the Inuzaka Hounds and cleaning their kennels or…" Sarutobi said about five minutes later after the Fire Lords Wife had gotten her cat back.

"**** NO!!!! The next D rank I perform will have Casualties I guarantee it!! I AM A ****ING DEMON PRINCE AND A GOD OF WAR LET ME KILL SOMEONE!!!" She shouted right in Hiruzen's face and he to his credit didn't flinch.

"Noxarios Demonis, you know as well as I do that every immortal here is under at least the guise of being hidden for legal reasons, as such you have to go through at least a token amount of D rank missions." Sarutobi stated evenly and going so far as to blow smoke from his pipe right into Nox's face.

"Look here old man one way or another I'm going to kill someone today, now it can either be a round dozen members of your 'precious' village or someone listed on a higher level mission. Which is it?" Nox asked grabbing Hiruzen by the beard and dragging him down until they were eye to eye.

"Fine since you are so eager I'll give this one to you. It's listed as a rank C however I have reasons to believe it may be a Class A mission with a high likelihood of encountering enemy ninja. From my intelligence reports the individual in question cannot afford a proper A rank payment due to being afoul of a Crime Lord local to his region that is likely employing a private army… if you keep looking at me like that I'll pass the mission to some other team." Hiruzen said and Nox was away in a flash and whistling casually from behind Athena who rolled her eyes at these antics. Cute little girl eyes from a verifiable psychopath were unnerving "Send in Tazuna" he said into a speaker and getting the customary hai hokage-sama from it.

"What? These are my bodyguards?! Three girls and a snot nosed brat? A bunch of idiots would be better protection!" the chubby man who smelled of booze protested after walking in then suddenly found a pair of spiked chains embedded into the wall with a spike barely an inch from his throat on each one.

"Can I kill him?" Nox asked sounding calm but her tattoos were flashing showing she was getting homicidal before Athena yanked hard on her collar and quickly sliced the chains.

"Nox! You are not to kill the person we're trying to protect!" Athena said crossly.

"Oh gimme a break I haven't killed anyone in way, way too long! I need to commit murder here!" Nox protested.

"You'll get plenty of chances on the road young lady, now Mr. Tazuna its best that we leave as soon as possible before our friend here takes a serious attempt at killing you." Athena said indicating Nox. Tazuna nodded dumbly. In no time at all they were on the road with Nox occasionally shooting Tazuna a look then testing some new blade she'd pulled from who knows where. Suddenly her grin turned downright feral and gave Tazuna chills. As he was watching her he missed two puddles as well as all three other members of his protection tensing up to fight.

By Tazuna's point of view two men erupted out of nowhere and in a flash had Athena wrapped up in a bladed chain and then pulled hard. He saw his life flash before his eyes as he saw her get trapped so easily, then nearly had a heart attack when nothing happened. "Are you boys trying to hurt me or scratch an itch?" Athena asked and Meizu suddenly looked to his right to see a madly grinning Nox just before he was sliced in half at the waist. Then under the arms, then at the neck, then under the nose and finally through the eyes all so fast that he couldn't even see her weapon, which was a double ended scythe.

Gouzu was down just as fast as Naruto grabbed him on the face and sent enough electricity through his system to give him a smell reminiscent of burnt hotdogs. "Well done you two." Athena said as she calmly shattered the chains by merely flexing her muscles. Tazuna's jaw dropped. After they snapped him out of it they told him flat out that from scratch they knew about Gatou. He tried to guilt them but Nox cut him off.

"Look Wino I don't two ***** and a **** that you lied to us. All I know is that going through with this will let me feed my bloodlust, which is a good thing. A very good thing. Alright? I won't be protecting you, I'll be killing Gatou's men for fun and profit… well maybe not profit. And Megumi drop the ****ing censorship aura already!" Nox said flat out and Megumi shook her head.

"Not until you stop cursing so much!" She said in protest and Nox growled.

"Alright break it up you two, let's keep moving. Nox I want your psycho self at point." Athena instructed as she took the rear guard position and Nox and Megumi flanked Tazuna. It all proceeded normally including a quiet boatride through foggy weather until all of them except Tazuna looked sharply to the left then right then a huge sword came hurtling at them. Athena, Naruto and Megumi ducked under it casually with Athena throwing Tazuna down, but Nox went and CAUGHT the huge freaking sword and swung it a few times experimentally.

"Hmm, well balanced, masterfully forged, oiled in the blood of thousands, roughly two hundred pounds of blood drenched metal… I think I need new underwear." She said panting a little.

"Okay girly put down the sword really nice and we'll all forget that last bit." A voice said and a man without a shirt and half his face covered walked out of the bushes.

Zabuza for his part was a little off balance, not only did everyone but his target notice him from scratch and follow his movements, but a little girl just CAUGHT his sword, even he couldn't catch his sword. She then went into what looked like an orgasm examining it. Yea. He didn't want a girl that crazy handling his sword. Point blank. (You may laugh)

"**** no! This blade's going right into my collection!" Nox said excitedly taking a loving smell of the metal and in her mind's eye seeing battles long past.

"She's scaring me." Naruto said watching a little disgusted.

"All war gods have some sort of quirk. Usually most of us can't turn down a challenge, but Nox can't turn down a good weapon. Especially if it has a bloody history." Athena said slowly. "Now everyone, back up nice and slowly, make no sudden movements…" she said and everyone but Zabuza who was stalking forwards backed away and jumped when he pounced at her.

"GIVE ME MY SWORD YOU LITTLE *****!!" Zabuza shouted nearly loosing his grip when one of his words came out as a beep he had it by the handle, she was holding on by the hole in the blade near the tip.

"IT'S MINE NOW! MINE! MY PRECIOUS BLOODY MARIE!!" Nox shouted pulling back matching Zabuza strength wise as Tazuna watched in awe, Athena in exasperation, Naruto in a cross between shock and disbelief (what happened to her self respect?!) and Megumi just sighed.

"Bloody Mary!? You little freak this is the Kubikiri Houchou! LET GO OF ME HEADLOPPER!!" he shouted just before Nox started spinning the sword giving him the ride of his life, faster and faster until the world around him was a blur and then all of a sudden, he lost his grip and was sent flying. "YOU LITTLE *****!!" he swore again surprised about the beep until he vanished.

"Oh this little sweatheart's gonna be put to good use! Yep yep!" Nox said ecstatically. Placing the large sword across her back with a flourish and a huge shit eating grin she turned to them surprisingly her left markings completely blue showing she was… freaking happy. Meaning relatively harmless for a demonic war deity, in other words only slightly psychotic.

"Alright… then… Tazuna can you lead the way? With Nox, um… like that she won't hurt you and any bandit or Nin in our way will just end up a smear on her new toy." Athena said snapping people out of there reverie as Nox absently fiddled with her long wavy hair humming softly.

They made it there relatively without incident. The only thing that could be considered an incident was Nox… skipping there… yeaaaaaa… Naruto was wondering if his grandmother was skiing or snowboarding at the moment. Maybe having a snowball fight with some demons. Hell had to have frozen over for Nox to act like this! They made it in time and Tazuna's daughter Tsunami nearly had a heart attack when she saw Nox.

Things had gone rather well with Nox practicing with 'Bloody Marie' swinging it around one handed like it was a katana. Naruto amused himself by making a bunch of flaming birds then sniping them with electric arrows as Megumi helped around the house and Athena put herself onto personally protecting Tazuna. She also did some heavy lifting at the bridge causing more than a few workers to drop their jaws as she casually lifted a couple of tons worth of steel girders and tubing. One handed.

"GIVE ME MY ****ING SWORD!!!" Zabuza shouted hoping to reclaim his blade and blindside Nox who danced away. The euphoria long since gone but she'd sooner be dropped stark naked onto Bast's lap then hand over a weapon like Bloody Marie to a mere mortal. She didn't bother with any ridicules stunts. With a blur of impossible speed she was behind him and drop kicked him so hard he ploughed through a tree and was knocked out instantly. A couple chunks of ice came flying at her and she batted them back where they came from with a quick blast of deific energy.

"Hmm? Is that it? I was expecting something more from a person who bathed this sword in so much blood. I guess he only attacked those much weaker than him." Nox noted swinging the blade onto her back and walking off. "Ah well, can't get it all it seems. Now I to wonder where that midgit's army is so I can start the bloodbath?"

"This is terrible, the bounties of the sea are so close but the people are starving because of one man's greed." Megumi said as she wandered through the town. She felt a tug on her dress and saw a small child that held out her hands and gave her a gap toothed smile. "Here you are little one, don't eat too fast or you may choke." She said pulling out an apple from a pouch she carried with her.

"Thank you pretty lady!" she said and Megumi ruffled her hair smiling.

"You're welcome. Run along now." She said and the little girl did just that. "Perhaps I can help." She said with determination, she quickly found a small empty lot with some sparse grass. "Perfect." She said pulling a few seeds from her bottomless pouch and tossed them into the air guiding them with her power. She nodded and then began to sing a wordless song filled with pure life energy. The grass grew thick and lush the seeds sprouted and grew into massive tall apple trees and an old woman who had been deathly ill recovered. The fruit was large and ripe ready to fall of the branches.

"There, that should help the people." She said walking through her small orchard not realizing that the little girl from earlier had seen the whole thing.

"Wow." She said before running off to tell everyone.

Naruto for his part was poking in and out of fireplaces until he finally spotted Gatou. He then using a heat mirage stalked through the man's fortress mentally smirking on what would happen to the mercenaries if he were to tell Nox about this place. "Jackpot." He said grinning as he found Gatou's vault. Quickly tazering the guards that heard him he started on the large safe. Twenty seconds later it swung open and he gave a piercing whistle. "That's a lot of paper." He said then got a wicked idea and tossed in a fireball.

"Whoo hoo! Look at it burn!" he snickered watching a good half of Gatou's fortune go up in smoke. "My work here is done." He said casually grabbing what looked like a _very_ expensive bottle of whisky and walking into the fire and vanishing. Only to reappear out of the gas stove in front of Tsunami scaring the ever loving crap out of the poor woman.

"Sorry! I was just giving Gatou a hard time." Naruto said smiling ruefully. "Oh by the way is your pops in? I picked up something from Gatou's vault he'll like." He said brandishing the whiskey bottle with a grin.

The next morning.

"A red sun rises. Blood has been spilt last night." Tazuna said, the man was superstitious as hell. //I pity whoever crossed Gatou this time…//

"Oh that was me, I was bored so I spent some time killing Gatou's men for fun." Nox said with a bit of a yawn. The fact that there was some dried blood on her t-shirt spoke volumes. She raised an eyebrow though when Inari chose to throw a fit. She smirked and opened the door just behind the kid. "You are one winey as hell mortal aren't you?" she asked.

"What would you know!? Like some freak like you knows what it means to suffer!" he shouted at her and was off the floor against a wall and staring at a pissed off young woman with glowing red eyes that had the image of a strong and tall looking man that had the same markings and clothes superimposed over hers. Her voice to had changed with a young man's voice echoing everything she said.

"What do I know about suffering?! You little shit. I have suffered greatly in my eight hundred years of life. Not only has my form been perverted and twisted, not only has my power been stolen from me, I have been in more battles then you've had breaths and been impaled, burned, electrocuted, slashed, shot, and all other sorts of horrific things that would kill you in an instant. Yet despite all that the one thing that hurt me the most, the one thing in my life I truly regret having happened, is irrevocable, and I am being blamed for it. Before I was forced from my natural gender I was going to be a father, I was going to have a daughter, but something, somewhere decided to take that from me. Now the woman who would have been the mother of my child despises me to the core of her being. A person that I loved, that I still love hates me with such a passion that the last time I saw her over a full century ago, before your great grandfather was a twinkle in your ancestor's eye she tried to kill me. You think you know pain?!" she demanded dropping him hard. "You know nothing of it." She said leaving the building.

"Hey where you going?" Naruto called after her.

"To commit genocide." She snarled before unfurling her wings and taking off.

"Congrats kid, you just pissed off a prince of hell that's also a god of war. Gonna lip off to Lucifer next? Insult Odin for an encore?" he asked Inari.

"Naruto that's enough. I know you're part demonic as well but I'd say the humans are scared enough as is." Athena ordered and he took a few deep breaths he spat out a bit of fire and jumped into it. "I'm sorry you had to find out this way you three." She said calmly. "But me and my… genin, are very unique among the ninja forces. We are deities in hiding as it where, each one of us alone has the power to destroy entire nations. Naruto being an ascended human is the youngest amongst us followed by Nox at eight hundred and fifty four. Then Megumi at eight hundred and fifty eight, the reason we took this mission from the beginning was because Nox being in tune with her demonic nature was becoming stir crazy and needed to sate her bloodlust. We've known about Gatou from the start and we're not leaving without at least cutting the hideous little beast in two."

"I-if you're gods and demons then why is it that Gatou's lived this long? Why not just… why do things like this happen in the first place?" Tazuna asked in an awed tone of voice.

"Due to our massive amounts of power we have to hold either a disguise or hands off policy, or at least a facsimile of either. In a disguise policy we have to limit our strength to human levels. In a hands off policy we are not even present and at most can empower people to do our work for us. Kami-Sama is the penultimate example of the hands off policy. If we were to drop these rules then society, the world, perhaps reality itself would shatter like fragile glass." Athena explained and Tazuna.

The remainder of the day passed in an uncomfortable silence. Until Tazuna of all people broke the tension. "So… you're really over eight hundred years old?" Tazuna asked Megumi, although to be fair he had found the whiskey Naruto had brought over and was slightly drunk.

"Well, yes. I am." She said kindly.

"Geeze, you don't look a day over fifteen. How do you do it?" he asked and she giggled.

The next day.

Nox was still missing and Naruto still waspish. So he along with Athena and Megumi decided to help at the bridge and get it over and done with today.

"What happened here?! Who did this?" Tazuna demanded when he found all his workers knocked out or in no condition to do anything.

"Where… is that bitch with my sword?" a voice floated out of the mist and Naruto snorted.

"Persistent piece of work aintcha? Not like you could get it from her when she lays claim to something." He said grinning.

"Haku, I don't want you leaving them alive. These people… are going to die this day one way or another." Zabuza ordered and Naruto sighed and decided it was time for some pre-emptive action. Namely shooting out a fireball straight up that was so burning hot that the fog dissipated and a couple workers got sunburned. He clenched his fists and they were enveloped in fire as he took a forwards leaning stance so that he could get a running start at any opponent. "Damn punk." Zabuza snarled reading a kunai.

With Nox

She had finally gotten over her anger, and through about a hundred thugs in Gatou's employ and had just finished cleaning herself off. Blood was nice to look at, nice to smell, delicious to eat but it was also a hindrance in battle if you were covered in it. "I wonder who's next on the kill list. I hope I haven't gone through all Gatou's forces yet. I still need to kill a bit more. Great vacation though. Now if only I can undo the effects of the potion Urd used on me, for some reason it's resisted just about all known…" Nox started then heard a scream. She leaped up her wings unfurling and spotted the brat about to face down two samurai wannabe thugs with very real swords that had his mother hostage. "Hunh, he's really got a pair on him when his back's to the wall." She noted before going into a dive.

To Inari's point of view he was rushing the two thugs then suddenly there was a fountain of blood as their heads vanished and Nox grinning like a loon appeared behind them black and white wings unfurled and the markings on the right side of her face a crystal blue with the ones on her left a bloody red. "Hmm…" she said thinking. //Oh what the hell. Why not?// she mentally asked herself. "Hey brat stand up straight there's still a boatload more to do if you want Gatou's goons outta here by sunset." She conjured a straight edge longsword four feet in length and held it out to him handle first. "Grab the blade and take a bit of my power. Rally the people, this is your home, your land, your family. Show these bastards that they will never be welcome here." She said and Inari grabbed the sword and felt strength flow into him.

"Get your mother inside first. Then get the people and get them to Gatou's fortress. Gatou is most likely going to bring a small force to the bridge thinking it will be able to kill all the local nin, the idiot. I'll take care of him. His fortress however is going to be in chaos so if you play it smart by sunset Wave will be completely free." She ordered and he nodded. A moment later she was gone racing to the bridge.

"YOU!! " Zabuza roared but would have had a hard time rushing Nox with his left arm covered in third degree burns and electricity dancing through his system. Haku was knocked out and moved to a patch of lush grass that was tending her injuries like it was the bridge workers. Megumi was supervising this while humming to activate her power.

"Megumi, can you heal Zabuza? I want a good fight." Nox asked unsheathing the sword and slamming it into the bridge.

"Nox…" Naruto said giving her a slight glare.

"I've had my fill of slaughter for now. Now I want a real fight with a real opponent. Don't worry, I won't get carried away." Nox said and grinned when Megumi shot a blast of pure white energy at Zabuza that not only hit but flash repaired his body and clothing. "So Zabuza, right here, right now a way for you to get your sword back, beat me in a straight up fight." She said and Zabuza nodded ever so slighty then blurred out of sight of every conscious mortal and was a moving blur to both Naruto and Megumi, but Nox and Athena war gods both could easily keep track of him.

Zabuza made to punch Nox straight to the head but she caught his fist and he twisted adding considerable force to his next punch but she caught it too. Then using his fists she spun herself over his head and mule kicked him in the back she spun before landing and Zabuza was instantly on her. With speeds that even to Nox's sight was impressive he threw hundreds of punches at her just under the speed of sound. She was hard pressed dodging it all. //Damn! I really let myself go!// she thought as she got an open palm strike on him straight to the chest and jumped up before kicking him from above at the same speed he punched earlier only to be surprised when he used the punching technique to counter almost every kick but the occasional glancing blow. She grinned fiercely as Naruto gave out a piercing whistle of admiration.

"You know for a girl you're pretty decent at this!" Zabuza noted as she deflected several blows to her vital organs. He had to jump back as she tried to snap his shins if the shattered concrete around her foot was any indication.

"You're not too bad yourself! Keep it up and you'll get the sword back no matter how this turns out!" Nox applauded. "It's been way to long since I've had a challenge!" she said blindsiding him and managing to get a kick into his side that knocked the wind clean out of him. He skidded backwards and took a deep breath.

"Just who the hell taught you to fight like that anyways? The only leaf Taijutsu clan is the Lee family." Zabuza said and Nox grinned.

"Experience. I've honed my instincts and bloodlust into a razor's edge, I don't have one style. I have hundreds. The fact that you're head's still on straight speaks volumes about your ability." She said and Zabuza snorted. No way in hell could a little girl have that much experience in his mind. Everyone conscious turned when they heard clapping and it was revealed that Gatou was there with about two hundred men. Leaving about one hundred left at his base the other one hundred and fifty having mysteriously vanished. (coughNoxcough)

"Well I must say that was amusing. Looks like you are good for something after all Zabuza." Gatou said from behind his army.

"Gatou… what the hell are you doing here? I've got this covered." Zabuza snarled. He hated the little bastard.

"I have no use for a mercenary that cares more about his blade then what he's bloody well paid to kill." Gatou replied.

"Hey Zabuza, swords yours. You're gonna need it to massacre these *****." Nox said then shot a look towards Megumi who blushed but held a firm look. Athena stepped forwards and in a single movement tossed Zabuza the sword as Nox summoned a pair of twin monk hooks. Versatile fast and lethal, just what they needed. Naruto began charging his fists with lightning, Megumi went on the defensive as grass sprouted all over the bridge tangling up the feet of the thugs.

"Three…" Naruto said as he got the equivalent to a dozen lightning bolts in each finger.

"Two…" Athena continued readying her halberd.

"One…" Nox snarled and venom started to drip from her weapons.

"Kill them all!!" Gatou roared and the thugs realized with a scream of surprise that they were all tied up. In that instant Naruto shot off a colossal lightning bolt that tore through ten men causing them to explode in a shower of steam boiled gore as their blood instantly vaporized in the intense heat. Nox was instantly in the middle of them, one swing and three throats were slit open, another and two men had been gutted, hooking the blades together she turned the swords into a flying guillotine and sliced six men in half before jumping into another thick grouping. Athena was crushing people to pulp with the haft and butt of her weapon and was slicing the men apart with the axe portion like it was easy. (It was.) Zabuza doing his best not to be outdone was lopping off heads and cleaving people in two as fast as he could.

"So, Gatou. You sought to betray me?" Zabuza said from behind the immobilized man as he saw his forces get slaughtered.

"N-now Zabuza, let's be reasonable here, it was just good business." Gatou said and Zabuza smiled.

"So is this." He said cleaving the man in two at the waist then beheading him. He kicked Gatou's head away and it landed somewhere in the nearby waters. "I'm out of my league with these people. I'd better become scarce before the hunters show too." He said and vanished in a shunshin, a few minutes later he reappeared in a forest glade on the mainland with Haku under his arm. "Eh?" he said noting something heavy in one of his pouches. He pulled out a nugget of purest gold with a huge diamond embedded dead centre and started to laugh.

With Inari.

He could scarcely believe what he was doing. He had managed to go from house to house and build up a following of two hundred villagers all armed with makeshift weapons and lead a successful charge on Gatou's compound. At the moment he and a few neighbours armed with pilfered weapons were… butchering the last disorganized pocket of mercenaries. He realized that Nox had… done something, something very profound to him as he remorselessly ducked under a mercs swing and sliced his stomach open.

"That should be the last of them. Gather the wounded and the dying, there's been enough death today." Inari said his voice full of authority as on his sword Nox's markings forming a symbol of two sweeping lines with a pair of thunderbolts between them glowed bright white. He swung the blade onto his back and walked out calmly. When the dying had been stabilized and the wounded bandaged up he turned to face the people he had inspired and said the words they were all waiting for. "Gentlemen. Wave is free." He said smirking and a huge cheer erupted. He felt a hand on his shoulder and for a bare second he could have sworn he saw his departed father smiling at him before fading away.

The bridge was completed in short order with the four deities watching every now and then. "Well we've imposed on you long enough. It's time for us to head home." Athena said a couple days later.

"Oh! Uh… our pleasure, thank you so much for everything you've done for us. If there's anything we can ever do for you just ask." Tazuna said and Athena nodded.

"Um… are you going to want the sword back?" Inari asked Nox who snorted.

"It's yours kid, just remember to use it right." Nox said casually as she went through another spinning Kata with the hooks. "Can't believe I forgot how much fun these things were." She noted cheerfully as she spun slicing cleanly through a bunch of fireballs Naruto launched at her and dispersing them.

"So I guess we better start heading to Konoha, are we going by air, element or the old fashioned way?" Naruto asked as Nox sheathed both weapons across her back.

"Most likely walking, we'll attract less attention that way." Megumi said after saying her goodbyes. They left over the bridge itself smirking a little at a brass plaque on both pillars. It read:

_Bridge of the Gods._

_In honour of those who came to us in our time of greatest need,_

_Who gave us hope for the future and the courage to grasp it,_

_May our hope and this bridge stand forever more,_

_as a testimony to their power._

Authors Notes.

Just… review. This chapter took a lot out of my and one of my roommates is being a first class ********.


	7. Chapter 7

I do not own Naruto or Oh! My Goddess!

"Speech"

/thoughts/

The Story

They'd been back in the village for about a month now and stuck doing D ranks again. Athena had taken up harassing Thor and then having a duel where she could get around the rules of her bet with Ares. Thor despite being thicker than his hammer could see though this and was happy to help. He had however been convinced by all members of his large family to alter both his form and Mjonler a little so he could fit in. The previously wheelbarrow sized hammer now hung off his belt still weighing all two tons and still a vicious piece of work. He was now known for wearing a blue T with the words 'Lightning? Fuck Yea!' on the front in jagged yellow. Going around in casual jeans and sneakers with his hair somewhat brushed and a slightly trimmed beard he actually looked... civilised now. He had also dropped the accent. He was bad at faking them anyways.

Naruto had gone back to his favourite pastime of giving Hiashi a heart attack with his now very open and flirty girlfriend Hinata. Not that he had cared much before she started wearing clothing inspired by Anko, but hey better late than never Hiashi...

Megumi was currently e_njoying_ the D rank they were on. Actually... she enjoyed a lot of them, contributing to the community and that. Currently they were walking a round dozen of the Inuzaka dogs that were un-partnered. Megumi was currently in a tiny chibi form and sitting on the head of the large lead dog as they slowly and calmly walked through a park. Naruto was napping on its back behind her with Athena just casually strolling ahead.

Nox was currently sulking and walking behind the pack, quietly cursing because somehow one of the dogs was part cow and as such able to take a dump without stopping and she had stepped right in it.

"Hey Megumi! You around?" Sasuke's voice called out and Megumi's eyes sparkled. They clicked surprisingly well. She had been drawn to him in her desire to heal others and after nearly two years of four hour therapy sessions disguised as passing notes five days a week Sasuke was legally sane. Of course by this time he had developed a monster of a crush on her but... hey he treated her right so Belldandy wasn't protesting. Keiichi on the other hand... he was a little protective…

He had dropped the 'duck ass' hairstyle thanks to a lot of Naruto's hassling and the fact that when Naruto _had_ slicked his hair back (think Vergil from DMC but black hair) just before his date with Megumi a few months ago and she had blushed shyly at this new look. Well... he just kept redoing it. He was also wearing dark cargos and a black trenchcoat with the Uchiha crest proudly displayed on the back.

"Over here!" Megumi called back taking her normal size and almost flattening the dog and launching Naruto a few metres. "Oh goodness I'm so sorry!" Megumi exclaimed backing up from the dog which was now giving her a look.

/Looks like she doesn't totally take after her mom./ Naruto thought turning back to normal and standing up.

"Alright dogs back here in fifteen got it?" Athena asked and all of the animals dipped their heads and then ran off in a large barking mass.

"Stupid, annoying piece of..." Nox could be heard muttering as she cleaned off her sandal with a summoned senbon. During this time Megumi had rushed up to Sasuke and they were gently embracing.

"So Megumi, I was wondering if you'd let me escort you around the Kyuubi Festival tonight?" Sasuke asked smoothly and Megumi blushed lightly before nodding.

"That's a pretty decent idea duckass..." Naruto noted getting a growl from Sasuke. "I should take Hina-chan out tonight meself." He mused.

"Alright kiddo's we need to wrap this up!" Athena announced just as Nox finished clearing the crap off her sandal.

/I need to talk to Grandma this has gone too far for too long./ Nox thought to herself with a bit of a scowl having finally made a break with her transformation problems just before the mission and finding that it was Hild's energy that was the main catalyst to keep a former 24 hour transformation on permanently and was also stabilizing the Chaos Magic that he had accidently used all those years ago preventing her from aging at advanced rates and reforming into a him. Not to mention it was messing with her powers acting like a scatterer and resister at the same time.

The only question was why? What possible point or purpose could his grandmother have in this? There was nothing for her to gain and there was very little in the way of entertainment unless she had taken an even larger turn for the sadistic than normal. But she was rarely subtle when she did that. So what? Why use so many conflicting energy lines from a who's who list of immortals with Chaos magic or a connection to her? And what the hell was the point? Luckily Nox had felt her energy not too long ago (not exactly a difficult task mind you) so she would interrogate her soon enough.

Thirty Minutes Later in the Hokage Office

"Very good team Immortal your pay has been deposited into your accounts. That will be all for today." Sarutobi said and Nox was already gone eager for an answer.

"What's her rush? Think it's her time of the month?" Naruto mused out loud but got a whack in the head from Athena who glared at him. "Sorry." He said before whipping his hand through the air to make a small plume of fire before jumping into it like a tear through space as it burnt out around him then vanished in a plume of smoke.

"Little show off." Athena sniffed as she and Megumi walked out at a sedate pace.

Naruto's Day

Hyuuga compound.

"Hey cutie pie, how are we today?" Naruto asked wrapping his arms around his girlfriend. It was once and once only that Urd had used an anti-inhabitation potion on her. It only took roughly a month of coaxing to reopen that crack in her nutshell of shyness. After that and a good deal of wrenching on that metaphorical crack and he didn't need an anti-inhabitation potion. Not anymore in the least.

"Fairly good handsome." Hinata replied grinding her hips into him a bit as he held her from behind. She was wearing a tight tank top and a pair of short shorts on top of sandals. She did however have practical full body mesh close to her body so in truth she as only bare from the neck up. She had also taken numerous intimidation and interrogation lessons from her 'Older sister' Anko. Apparently using the Byakugan to monitor someone's heart rate was a boon for an interrogator. No one could lie to her and slowly closing their tenketsu points was a horrifying intimidation tactic. Learning Medical Jutsu also let her go all out then bring them back from death's door.

She turned slightly and they gave each other a deep kiss and Naruto broke off smirking when he felt some killing intent directed at him from Hiashi. "So gorgeous, it's the fox's festival tonight and I was thinking they could use more foxy women out there..." Naruto hinted and Hinata grinned at him while Hiashi growled nearby.

"You Demon Child!" An elderly voice shouted from nearby and Naruto froze his power beginning to flare. "Get away from the Lady Hinata!" the Hyuga elder shouted and Naruto growled.

"I'll take care of the old bat Naruto-kun, if you cripple one again they're going to raise another stink and we'll have to go through a break out of this joint with pursuit and a harrowing romp through the village... actually that does sound a bit like fun." Hinata noted.

"Doesn't it? Hotfoot." Naruto said before shooting a small amount of flame at the Hyuga elder's foot getting it to catch fire and ending up with an entertaining dance. Hinata giggled at the sight. "So what sort of outfit should I wisk you away in the night in? Pirate style? Rogue? Gallant Knight? Romantic?" Naruto asked.

"I would love to see you pull off the man in metal outfit. Going to bring a horse?" Hinata asked as they started to leave the compound together.

"Maybe. I was just wondering if I should put armour on it as well. And whether or not a cape is appropriate." Naruto mused as they started going towards the commercial district.

"Oh surprise me Naruto-kun." Hinata said coyly and he grinned.

"I'll take that as a challenge." He said into her ear tracing circle in the small of her back getting her to shiver in response. "But for now what do you want to do first?" he asked her while casually stealing a pouch full of money.

"Maybe something a little sweet, then something salty before hitting the dance area." Hinata said with a finger on her chin.

"Sounds good, I just swiped our dinner pay so let's find us some tasty booths then try out each other's snacks." Naruto said showing that yes Urd had raised him.

About twenty minutes later.

Naruto was happily munching on a bag of barbeque chips while Hinata finished off some dango when he got a smirk. "So you wanted something salty too eh Hina-chan?" Naruto asked and she nodded still half a mouthful of dango in her mouth, he open mouth kissed her and they swished their tongues together tasting each other's snack.

"Hmm, tasty but was it the chips, the dango or was it you Naruto-kun?" Hinata asked through partially closed eyes.

"I's say it was me but who really knows?" Naruto said as he calmly led her towards a place were a couple of couples were already dancing. He casually flicked a kunai with a note tied to the end so that it impaled the wooden pillar nearby the DJ who dived away thinking it would be a classic explosive note, but it turned out to be a short note reading 'Something nice and slow please' with a fifty ryo bill attached.

The man grinned, readjusted his shades and when the current song ended put on a slow love song remix and watched the twenty some couples dance slowly and closely, while he was completely clueless as to who had thrown the knife. But hey, he got a free knife, easy money, and no one was complaining. So why would he?

Megumi's Day

After saying her goodbyes to Athena and promising to take up some form of weapon training. She quickly walked home with a slight spring in her step stopping only to glance into the displays of a few shops. While she was doing this she was also pondering as to what sort of weapon she would learn to use, she was thinking quarterstaff. It was good for defence and if she really, really needed to hit someone she could trip them easily and tie them up with the grass ending the fight without hurting anything beyond a light bruising. Perfect, problem solved!

"Good afternoon Megumi-chan." Belldandy said pleasantly. "Enjoy your mission today?"

"I did, we helped the Inuzaka hounds who are waiting for a partner to get some exercise and see the sights around Konoha, I don't know why Naruto and Nox don't like D rank missions all that much. They're pleasant and often a literal walk in the park." Megumi said a little confused.

"Well some people need to learn to relax and enjoy life as it comes. They often forget how to simply slow down. It's not something to pity though and it needs no healing. They simply learned to love a faster pace of life although it is good to be there for when they run out of energy and are about to crash." Belldandy explained gently and Megumi nodded.

"So, you're still dating the emo boy." Keiichi said walking into the yard himself having just finished his job at the power plant.

"He's not an Emo father." Megumi said patiently.

"Look I'm not trying to pry I just want you safe and happy." He said calmly and Megumi sighed.

"But according to you no one's good enough for me! Your standards are too high! I'd have to date a god to meet half the requirements." Megumi said pouting a little at this.

"Now honey I… just… want… …" Keiichi trailed off at the look Belldandy was giving him. He sighed. "I'm sorry, I just worry about you. You were my little girl for eight hundred years and in less than a decade you've decided to grow up. I just want to make sure it's for the right reasons." Keiichi explained.

"Oh Keiichi." Belldandy said wistfully giving him a peck on the cheek. He blushed a little in response but held her close. "You always find new ways to show that sweet gentle side of yours, even after so many millennia."

Megumi sighed as her parent's fell in love all over again even though they'd been together for such a long time. That was what she was hoping for, that type of love where just being with them was enough. Where it was a little piece of perfection all your own to take around with you. Where the perfect moment was whenever you looked your loved one in the eyes. That was what she was trying to build with Sasuke. She left her parents to their bliss so she could quickly get changed and meet up with him.

She quickly rushed through her room and only came out with an olive green jacket and a knee length chestnut brown pleated skirt. A pair of sandals, a white bow in her hair and a light application of makeup completed her look. It was tight enough to show off her well developed figure yet conservative enough to be worn casually around town.

"I'll be back before my curfew." She said simply to her parent's before walking off towards Sasuke's aura. It took her all of ten seconds to find him. "Hello Sasuke, I'm ready." She said gently and he blushed a little put off that he had been caught off guard by her. Again. She was rather good at that. She never scared him or boasted about it but she still pulled it off all the time making him wonder how.

"Hello Megumi. Where would you like to go first? From what I saw of the festival earlier there are all sorts of games and such as well as a dance in the square. We have all the time we need." Sasuke offered.

"Let's just wander for a while." Megumi said standing closely to him with a content smile. It wasn't what her parents had, not yet, but it could be and that was why she found herself returning his feelings. He smiled back to her warmed from within by her simple presence.

As she suggested they simply wandered without any real aim or goal. They did casually stop at a throwing game that they could tell was rigged, meaning they had no issue with simply ploughing down and shattering his pile of bottles netting Megumi a large stuffed bear that she sealed in a quickly scribbled storage scroll and tucked into her pocket after rewarding Sasuke with a kiss on the cheek.

After a while they wandered into the square where the dance was being held and arrived just in time for a slow tune to start playing after the DJ dived for cover. /Naruto…/ Megumi mentally chided deciding not to bring it up. Still it just took a nudge to be on the dance floor as well.

The dance was slow, the dance was long, it dance also gave both Sasuke and Megumi an evening to remember.

Nox's chat with Hild.

She had tracked after Hild for the better part of an hour, easy to find what building and even room she was in but timing it so that she didn't walk in on her own mother and grandmother as well as dozens of her drinking buddies from fifty years back nude due to a game of strip poker… not so easy.

"So what can I do for you sweetheart?" Hild asked inviting Nox to sit on her lap despite the fact she was only in a sheet that Nox had to talk her into using to cover her modesty.

"Why?" Nox asked her eyes flaring red despite the fact that the being in front of her was infinitely more powerful even with dozens of power limiters reducing her to a less then a fraction's, fraction's, fraction's fraction of her true power. Much less, but still so much more.

Nox could tell instantly from the glimmer in Hild's eyes that she knew exactly what she was talking about and was deciding whether to be serious or not. "All right then, I'll give it to you plain and simple."

/Wow… there has to be a catch./ Nox thought.

"Oh there is." Hild confirmed and Nox facepalmed having forgotten about the fact that Hild like Kami had THOUSANDS OF DIFFERENT POWERS on top of an infinitely high power level. "You see the knots that bind you in place are designed in such a way that even I cannot undo them. Only you can now and that's only if you find perfect balance, even for an instant. Meaning that for a single instant you must act like both a war god, as well as a powerful demon prince. Despite your claims as being a demon of poison, if you do this you go back to normal." Hild said in a teasing tone then walked back into the poker room so that thing could get even more steamy.

"Ahhh fuck it!" Nox swore throwing a Kunai into the floor and stepping into it to reappear in her room. "Great, so somehow I have to act like a god and a demon at the same fucking time! SON OF A CUNT!" Nox screamed.

"Language!" A scandalized Keiichi shouted to him obviously having covered his wife's ears. Nox just growled sat down on her bed and used her power to force herself into unconsciousness absolutely furious at the requirements to return to normal.

Since you've all been waiting so long I've decided to put in the first few chunks of the Chuunin Exam while the going's good. Especially now that I'm over that hump.

A couple weeks had passed since the Kuubi Festival and true to his word Naruto had been spotted going around in full burnished platemail complete with tabard and white cloak carrying Hinata away from Hyuuga pursuers to do Kami knows what away from prying eyes. (Hild knows too which might explain that grin she's been wearing.)

"Fifty Ryo says we've been signed up for the Chuunin exams, Athena's never late." Naruto said as they lounged around a bridge, Megumi was feeding a small flock of birds that had been drawn to her presence and were now taking handouts from the young woman. Nox was contemplating spearing a few and getting Naruto to roast them just to see the expression on her face. Although she could picture it in her mind. It had taken a while but Nox had dug up the full criteria of what was needed.

1: To be in combat with a very powerful opponent with a powerful blade that could match the summoning and poison aspects of Nox's weapons.

2: Needed to be fighting to both protect and for the thrill of the fight at the same time.

3: Must not contrive or force the situation to come into being, but rather find it. Pursuing a famous swordsman is alright but bribing a demon to attack someone then jumping to their defence is out.

4: Must be devious as well as honourable in battle and make a decisive victory.

Those four things needed to be fulfilled all at the same time, not as bad a criteria as she had feared but still a fairly tall order. It settled the need for a Demon Prince whose circle of hell was a ring of jagged spires and poisonous smoke, designed for those who poisoned the world for their own gain. (They make good training targets being so fat and slow on average, but they catch on quick so they are a challenge to hit and the screams are oh so satisfying.). So the devious nature of a poison master had to be used, as well as the sheer ferocity and power of a god of war. They don't mesh well normally, as devious and honourable are often clashing terms especially in battle.

"Hoy! Nox you in this or out?" Naruto asked holding up a wad of cash.

"No way, I wouldn't bet the hairs on my ***." Nox said then gave Megumi a sidelong look having more or less given up on getting her to drop the censorship.

"Do you even have hairs on your ***?" Naruto asked also giving Megumi a look but she shamelessly ignored them. (The scandal!)

"Still have the censorship aura up I see." Athena noted from beside Megumi while holding a small bundle of papers.

"Ha! I win pay up!" Naruto boasted holding a hand out to Nox.

"You're about a millennia too late if you want to catch me like that… why would you want hairs off my *** anyways?" Nox asked.

"What? We bet fifty Ryo apiece!" Naruto protested.

"You lying *******! I did not!" Nox shouted.

"Megumi?" Athena asked causing the brunette to sigh.

"Nox said she wouldn't bet the hairs on her… rear."

"Naruto?" Athena asked.

"Spirit of Chaos remember?" he replied getting a groan.

"Anyways, I've signed the three of you up for the Chuunin exams mostly because two of you just don't have the humility to pretend to be mere genin." Athena explained handing out the papers get Naruto to raise an eyebrow.

"Coming from the woman disguised as a Jonin?" he asked getting a snort from Nox and a bit of a growl from Athena.

"I'd say congratulations and all that, but really. This is because I'm getting really, really sick of babysitting you two." She said with a pointed glare at Nox and Naruto getting huge faked yawns in stereo who then glanced at each other and sighed. "All right knock it off you two! I get it! You don't care! Damn hybrids can't any of your kind ever just fit into one group?"

"Oh I dunno I'd say Megumi fits the whole God stereotype fairly well." Naruto noted.

"All right this thing is… today right? Okay cake walk let's do this so I don't have to see whiskers or little miss saint there every day." Nox noted.

"I'll be glad to get rid of you meself." Naruto countered.

"Isn't it nice the way they play together?" Megumi asked Athena who gave her a look then shook her head with a sigh.

"Anyways if you three go through with this you'll still be a team but you won't have me so I'll be in ANBU." Athena explained. "Now you three have an exam to attend to and I have some paperwork to fill." She said before vanishing instantly due to the stone construction of the bridge.

"Hunh first part's in the academy. Let's go!" Naruto noted then exclaimed with a pose.

"Do you always have to act like a dork?" Nox asked and was flipped off. "Eh you losers can walk, Megumi could you send me a mental sign for when you've arrived so I can teleport in?" Nox asked somewhat politely and Megumi agreed cheerfully.

"Fine stay behind loser." Naruto shot to Nox getting the burn himself this time as he and Megumi walked off.

"I just don't know what her problem is! I mean I know some people are jerks but Nox never freaking lets up!" Naruto exclaimed in frustration when they were a block away from the redhead.

"It's because she's a she, Nox isn't comfortable the way she is and has always hated being treated like a child. What she's going through is comparable to water torture, it doesn't create any physical harm but it still leaves very deep gashes in a person. Not to mention Nox was hurt from within to begin with. This is a very roundabout method but Lady Hild is trying to force a reaction, a large reaction so that Nox will force herself or himself or whichever to move past all of this. Especially since simply letting the problem sit didn't help." Megumi explained and Naruto found himself staring at her with an eyebrow raised.

"What?" she asked.

"I don't get it, one moment you're all ditzy and airheaded. The next you're a pro psychologist and can explain everything perfectly. What gives?" Naruto asked and Megumi smiled and shrugged before looking up to the sun a bit obviously tuning him out.

"Lemme go!" a nearby voice shouted and Naruto sighed.

"Alright let's see what the pest's gotten into." He stated as they rounded the nearby corner to the alley where they heard the shouting. He then casually put his arm around the shoulders of the guy who was hoisting Konohamaru off the ground before breaking his grip and lowering the kid. "You know there's this little something called the law that says you can't do that here." Naruto noted casually. The guy immediately tried to break Naruto's grip but was just as quickly in a crushing headlock with the pressure enough to make his eyes bulge. "And if I see you roughing up a kid again then I'll sick a ****in' god of vengeance on your ***! Drop the aura Megumi!" he shouted then noticed something.

"Hmm, clever." He said smacking the real Kankuro hard on the head while dropping the puppet. "But you're all tied up and I've got this fun little toy called a knife on me. I know you're here for the Chuunin exams, but why spark an international incident? I mean... do you want to fall down some stairs and land on a blade?"

Kankuro tried to have his puppet break Naruto's grip on the more important parts of the wrapping keeping him penned up but a quick snap kick took care of that. Naruto didn't even look back. "Try to play nice here. You too Tanuki-boy." Naruto said casually to Gaara and Kankuro at the same time without pause.

"Kankuro, you're an embarrassment…" Gaara began.

"Yea like a demon container that gets controlled by his own demon." Naruto said pointedly and Gaara let loose with a bowel loosening, gut wrenching amount of killing intent supplemented by Shukaku's. Naruto yawned, and hit him with a TRUE demon's killing intent bringing him to his knees, causing a wet spot to appear in the bundle and Temari to simply… collapse. Konahamaru and his team had long left the scene.

"Knock it off kid." Keiichi said appearing in a shunshin and smacking Naruto on the head. He focused energy into his left hand and smacked Gaara right in the abs altering the very weak seal that kept the Sand spirit in him, making it so that by the end of the day Gaara would be taking up the mantle of the one tail. Not that he knew it anyways. "Now all of you get. You have an exam to attend." He said sternly and both Megumi and Naruto dashed off with his daughter throwing him a little wave.

"Don't say anything Naruto." Megumi said softly as they walked by a small crowd gathered in front of a door with a weak genjutsu. She had to keep a grip on the back of his neck and march him right past before the temptation overcame him. 'sigh' chaos spirits.

Naruto sighed in disappointment but pulled a kunai and flicked it causing Nox to appear outside it and continue walking beside them her mouth half full of something, probably something spicy. She nodded to them and they walked in casually. It took a few seconds but soon Sasuke and Megumi were standing closely but chastely, where Hinata and Naruto… it was provocative, to say the least. Nox breathed a sigh of relief to see Ryu with Sakura, it looked like that favour she called in had paid off.

/Miss your boyfriend?/ Naruto mentally sent to Nox when he noticed her looking at them only to get a mental snarl in return.

/I will geld you with a hammer if you don't shut up./ Nox returned with so much venom that Naruto shuddered.

"What is it?" a lazy voice said from nearby and Team Immortal glanced in the direction spotting a silver haired seventeen year old beginning to chat with Shikimaru. Nox took a deep appreciative breath through her nose.

/AHhhhh, treachery. Such a delightful sin./ Nox thought as both Megumi and Naruto became much more cautious. Nox however realized that a spy wouldn't be alone. /Five'll get you twenty if those three from sand there are with silver here, and... the Grass Trio over there as well as the three from Sound. All in cahoots if I'm getting their auras right./

/What! You sure?/ Naruto sent still only partially used to his aura sensing abilities.

/Yes I can sense it as well./ Megumi supplied and Nox nodded.

/I hate being left out!/ Naruto sent and both him Nox blinked and shot the girl a look when Megumi of all people blew him the mental equivalent of a raspberry. /What in the?/

/Sorry./ Megumi said by way of apology. /That grass one's really powerful.../ Megumi sent morosely. /Our power limiters place us around Jounin at best he's past that.../

/Dibs/ Nox sent deciding to seize the moment.

/What?/-Naruto

/I just called dibs./-Nox

/On what!/-Megumi

/Fighting the snake solo. Dibs. See I did it again!/

/You can't call dibs on that!/-Naruto

/Sure I can. Dibs. See?/

/Why? He'll rip you apart as you are now./-Naruto

/Just let me do this./ Nox sent with such force that they both physically blanched. The timing was only somewhat good as one of the Sound Genin slammed Kabuto was it? Slammed Kabuto into the wall and he vomited from the force of the blow.

"What's wrong?" Sasuke asked megumi as Hinata looked towards Naruto. Naruto answered for all of them.

"That attack didn't physically connect. He used sound waves to hit under the skin. He probably has some kind of long range defence as well. Fighting them ought to be fun." Naruto remarked and Megumi gave him a bit of a look.

"That's enough you maggots! I don't want to see any fighting until I say so! The first part of the Chuunin Exam has begun and if you punks don't settle down I'll murder you myself!" This would normally be a fairly small threat to any ninja however when delivered by a man in an awesome trenchcoat(What? I like Trenchcoats.) with huge scars and a death glare giving out killer intent like he planned to torture and maim every last one of them and enjoy every second of it, it tends to be taken seriously.

/What the fuck? A written test?/ Naruto sent across the mental link and Nox began sniggering at Megumi's scandalized thought process.

/It's a character test. All sorts of militaries use these. Just answering a question right or wrong is what you have to do. You need self confidence and determination so they test you for it in an unwinnable situation./ Nox sent with the mental equivalent of a grin.

/We're gods, we can just access the divine, abyssal or spiritual supercomputers and get the right answers anyways./ Megumi reasoned as she easily browsed through the cipher her gift of tongues letting her know the language instantly and exactly how to translate. (For those wondering the gift of tongues allows all immortals to speak all languages without accent although some will put in a fake one for fun. Thor being a good example.)

All three immortals quickly solved the problems after Megumi had browbeaten both Naruto and Nox into not causing any disturbance whatsoever.

"Now as to the tenth question." Ibiki began after what Naruto considered an unbearably boring time later and he sat up with a grin. "It is your choice as to whether or not to take this question, however those not taking automatically fail." He began

"Then why the hell wouldn't we take it!" a genin shouted standing up.

"SIT DOWN!" Ibiki shouted flashing enough killing intent to give a cold sweat to the normal genin. "If you get this final question wrong, then the remainder of your time as a shinobi will be as a genin regardless of prior or future performance." He said grimly and the blond girl from Suna stood up.

"That's bullshit! No way you have that kind of authority!" she shouted and he pulled out scroll after scroll after scroll all of them bearing the official markings of each participating village.

"Ordinarily you would be right little girl but I have obtained the approval of all the leaders of each hidden village, Kage or otherwise. You simply have had the bad luck of facing me." He said grimly and many genin collectively gulped. There was a nervous silence until...

"I...I give up. Sorry guys." A genin said and just like a damn breaking team after team quit until maybe a fifth of the starting genin were left.

"Anyone else? This is your last chance." Ibiki asked glaring across the room. A few of them shivered but the rest held firm. "Then in that case... you all pass the first stage of the Chuunin exams." He said sombrely and everyone blinked for a moment until.

_**KAAAABAAAAAAMN!**_ A huge explosion went off and none other than Anko Mitirashi and a large banner proudly proclaiming that: The Sexy Anko Mitirashi Procter of the Second Exam! A profound silence followed this.

"Anko, you're early. Again." Ibiki said and she sweatdropped.

Author's Notes

Sorry about not updating... anything in a long time, life sucks. I've moved twice been kicked out of College and have been trying in vain to get a job. Add in family, a healthy dose of getting in shape and a social life and you're left with... 0 inspiration. Well... fuck.

Hopefully though this is the hill and now that it's a downhill ride I should be able to update at least one story a week. Hopefully. Hopefully...


	8. Chapter 8

"speech"

-/thoughts/-

**POWER!**

This chapter will be broken up into what the individual groups and at times flat out individuals go through there will be a clear indicator as to what group is doing what as a metric crap load is happening all at once.

**STORY**

Team Immortal: Megumi, Naruto, Nox

"You know if you two would stop staring at your crushes for ten seconds we can fill out these forms and get our scroll." Nox reminded her teammates.

"Aww don't be jealous just because you lost Ryu doesn't mean you have to try to ruin our happiness." Naruto replied.

"First off: Go fuck yourself." Nox began then embolden by actually hearing her own swearing pressed on. Secondly: your lovers our now our direct opponents and our best bet is to take one or the other out to…" Nox trailed off as Megumi began to stare at her looking utterly heartbroken and shocked. "uh…"

"Big bad demon." Naruto said snickering.

"Oh shut up." Nox replied venomously. Both Naruto and Megumi signed their forms and they were collected resulting in them being handed an earth scroll. They stood in front of gate 11 looking bored after a while. It was only a few more minutes and they were in. Of course Nox had to grab them both by the ear and drag them in as Sasuke's and Hinata's team were on either side.

"Alright then now that you slow pokes are in let's start a strategy." Naruto said and Nox looked at him incredulously. She huffed and looked away. "Now we overpower every team by a huge amount but there are at least two if not three extremely dangerous individuals here. We know who they are and Nox has kindly volunteered to deal with one personally. Problem is Orochimaru is well documented on a fascination with bloodlines and learning jutsu meaning Sasuke is likely on his hit list." Naruto explained and Megumi gasped.

"Bait then?" Nox asked and Naruto gave him a slightly puzzled look.

"Not exactly. I was thinking more along the lines of someone to guard. Me and Megumi stop him from killing anyone while you work on killing the snake. The problem is that there's a good chance he's going to use clones." Naruto finished and Megumi sighed.

"Nox?" Megumi asked and she raised an eyebrow at the inquiry. "Don't be silent you are a god of battle what's going to happen?"

"I'm a god of battle not prophesy. I don't know what's going to happen." Nox replied with enough venom to lay low a nation.

"What the ****'s crawled up your ***?" Naruto demanded before leaning in closer to Nox huffing through his nose when he smelt blood. "Are you bleeding?" he asked surprised at the familiar ironish taste.

"Shut up." Nox replied her eyes glowing dangerously.

"Oh my goodness!" Megumi exclaimed. "I had no idea the transformation was so thorough."

"Holy shit." Naruto exclaimed staring at Nox as if a plant were growing on her head.

"Go to hell."

"While visiting grandma is occasionally traumatic that's not much of a curse." Naruto replied with a nasty grin. "Still how many years have you been going through this? Are you just a natural bitch or has life been a bitch?" he asked and was punched hard enough to send him flying.

"None of your ***ing business!" Nox screamed at him. Suddenly all three of them felt a pull of energy and they only had time for their eyes to widen as three blasts of wind sent them all in different directions blowing what plans they had to pieces.

Megumi

She flew through the air far too fast for comfort and only an extreme effort of will stopped her from deploying her wings. As it stood she waited till she was close enough to a tree and lightly touched the bark causing her to swing around upon it. She landed safely on one of the road wide branches and panted a little to get her heartbeat in control. She froze as she felt it. Eyes. Horrible yellow eyes. She couldn't see them but she knew they were there.

"Kukukuku..." she heard echoing all around her as she tried in vain to catch sight of her tormenter. "So the mokuton has returned to Konoha? Kukukuku..." it said.

"You do not scare me Orochimaru. If you know of my power then you know the moment you reveal yourself you are within my grasp." She countered taking a more comfortable stance as her clothing shifted from a simple but elegant sundress to a jacket with t-shirt pants and sneakers all dark green.

"Indeed? Well then you are more then I first assumed child." He said right behind her and she vanished in an instant avoiding his grasp before she came down from above with a wax wood staff the initial blow strong enough to give a normal man a concussion with the second one from the recoil of the wood aggravating the first.

The serpent melted into mud and the staff was stuck fast as it solidified as hard as stone. She tensed the wood to her right and let it throw her left in time to avoid fifty snakes biting into and crushing the mud statue. She flew backwards and was grabbed by the back of the neck.

"What delicious reflexes. I was under the impression you were a medic nin. But after my own teammate and Kabuto-kun I suppose it should be far from a surprise." He hissed in her ear as he held her hands tight against her back, he reared up to bite her when a blinding flash erupted from the normally gentle girl and an unseen force ripped her out of his hands. The wood under his feet twisted and Orochimaru knew he had seriously pressed his luck. He jumped away from the tree and still blinded heard a huge wooshing noise coming for him. Quickly creating a shadow clone he used it to hurl himself to the ground where he quickly activated a stealth jutsu. This was a wise move as his shadow clone was quickly destroyed.

-/It appears subtlety will be to greater use with this girl.../- he thought as numerous memories hit him from other clones and his eyes widened in shock. -/These are no genin... these aren't even human./- he thought in awe.

Naruto

"What the fuck!" Naruto exclaimed as he was while in midair no less catapulted by a wind technique into the distance. He turned around in midair and his eyes widened as he made it into a clearing full of giant snakes. "Sonofabiiiiitch!" he shouted before somersaulting in midair to dodge a snake trying to snatch him and use it as a springboard to avoid to others which bit that snake dispelling it into smoke.

Another one reared up in front and he created an explosion at the soles of his feet to launch himself through the air and he grabbed its forked tongue so that he swung himself upwards and it snapped with a sickening sound dispelling that snake. He jumped up again casing two snakes to slam into each other before letting himself fall in between the two dazed serpents grabbing their tongues and sending electricity up through them causing them to jerk and vanish back to their world.

He looked frowning at the nest of snakes rising up below him and decided it was time to stop screwing around. The snake wanted to up the game? Fine, he would up the game. He leapt downwards and hit the forest floor before the snakes could react before letting out a huge pulse of power. This made them nervous and before they could gather themselves a huge lightning bolt tore through the tree tops and struck him dead on where it spread out coating the whole field in electricity dispelling every summons at once.

"Alright you slippery bastard where are you?" Naruto asked scanning his surroundings he wasn't in sight meaning... "Fuck!" Naruto shouted as he jumped hard a pair of arms shooting out of the ground for his ankles.

"Kukukuku... how entertaining Naruto-kun. Your sealless abilities intrigue me to no end. Do me the favour of being my test subject!" Orochimaru called his head extending after Naruto quickly launched a blast of fire down so hard and fast that both the head and body had to dodge. Orochimaru's neck returned to normal size and he flashed through some handseals causing the earth beneath him to erupt and spin together into a mud serpent that shot towards Naruto who grinned.

"Dumbass! Mud uses water and I got lighting!" Naruto shouted launching a lightning bolt into the serpent causing the lighting to electrify the area around Orochimaru causing it to dissipate. Naruto touched down trying to sense his enemies but unable to catch anything. "Is he gone? Oh shit a clone!"

Nox

"Cunt sucking whore!" Nox screamed before throwing a spiked chain into a nearby tree and swinging around to catch himself on a branch. She instantly had a pair of hook swords out and ready.

"So you think you can match me with blades? You think you can match the Kusanagi?" Orochimaru asked appearing out of the shadows and grinning. "From what I understand you literally summon blades in the same way I summon serpents. Not to mention your unique poisons are quite intriguing. I'll wager your teammates have already fallen, so I have the elementalist and the mokuton user already. Why not use the blademaster to round out the set?" Orochimaru asked and without announcement Nox charged.

The blade shot to him like an arrow never leaving his opponents hand and Nox had to sigh at this. Total disregard for such a good blade. Yes it was a bad day for her especially with her period starting a full ten minutes after that written exam, but she was a god of battle and quite literally made for this. She deflected the now absurdly long blade which in its current form could only be used on a decapitation attack, in surprise or reverse to conceal the weapon she charged closer sliding on her knees and using the hooks swung her swords one handed like a flying guillotine at his knees. Predictably the snake jumped and she simply let go of the blades in favour of summoning a Chinese broadsword of similar make to the Kusanagi and was up and quickly met in a bladelock.

"You're fairly strong for your age girl." Orochimaru hissed. "I'd imagine that some incredible secrets could be found with you face down on my dissection table." He said in a somewhat sultry manner that made Nox want to gag.

"You have no idea what you're dealing with, do you?" Nox asked as her voice began to change slightly, Orochimaru's eyes widened as the colours of her tattoos began to shift the reds and blues merging and dancing but never joining into green. She shifted her stance and still in bladelock let go with her left hand to conjure a katar where she tried to stab Orochimaru with the dripping blade. He jumped away but his head shot forwards completely blindsiding her and biting her in the neck before retracting backwards faster than Nox could retaliate. She did manage to knick him though.

"kukukuku... I'll deal with you later. The true prize is the other girl and her dear Uchiha." He said his voice echoing around and Nox's eyes widened as her energy began to spark and twist around her. Pain the likes of which she had only felt once before but upon an emotional level ripped though her originating at the left side of her neck where she was bitten.

"A seal! How did he get a seal on me?" she demanded as the precious balance between the powers of hell and heaven within her was shattered and put into conflict. The energies some of it dark purple and others an almost pure silver white crashed over her skin. On hands and knees with the bark of the tree shattering beneath her and the very air sizzling around her Nox could only scream in agony.

Team Seven: Sasuke, Sakura, Ryu (Ryu was hit by Aphrodite's love spell on the day of the test so he was very distracted by something pink landing him as the dead last by one point.)

"What the hell?" Ryu asked as a tortured scream erupted from not too far away. They had heard a swordfight and were about to investigate.

"We were going to look anyways. Just keep your heads down." Sasuke said pocketing the spare heaven scroll they just got off a rain team that tried to ambush them. They quickly took to the tree tops and peered through some branches when their breath caught in their throats.

"What happened to her?" Sakura asked as they witnessed Nox on her hand and knees clutching the side of her neck coated in two combating types of energy and screaming in pain. They jumped onto the branch almost right away. Sasuke reached out to Nox thinking to question her when some of the energy lanced out, the purple energy shocked him with pain unimaginable but just as quickly the silver white energy soothed it and he jerked back.

"It's torturing her." He said.

"No shit Sherlock." Ryu snapped back.

"No as in the dark energy is causing the pain while the silver energy is healing her. She can't even ignore it through meditation techniques." Sasuke breathed in horror.

"B..Bast... I'm so, so sorry..." Nox breathed delirious in her pain.

"Fuck! What the hell happened?" Naruto demanded coming onto the scene.

"Oh no! Nox!" Megumi exclaimed coming out of nowhere.

"Where the **** (hell) did you two come from?" Sakura demanded unused to teleportation. "What the?" she asked blindsided by Megumi's censorship aura.

"We felt her energies go crazy. Bastard must have disrupted it at the exact right moment somehow." Naruto said wincing as the energies hit him but his own cancelled them out almost entirely as he forced her to look up. "We're going to try and stabilize you. Got it?"

"DO IT!" Nox screamed barely able to keep her own teeth from shattering from how hard she was clenching her jaw. Naruto and Megumi gathered energies around Nox and pulled most of it away into themselves forcing the darker energies to clash with the lighter ones. Nox gave out a shuddering sigh before collapsing into the pulped wood having carved a good foot into it.

"What happened to you three? You look like you fought the devil." Sasuke noted and Megumi rushed over and gave him a hug while shivering a little. "What happened?" he demanded glaring at Naruto as he rubbed Megumi's back gently.

"We were attacked by someone out of our league. From the snakes I faced I'm guessing it's the traitor Sannin Orochimaru. He must have done something that messes with bloodlines for this kind of effect. There's no way to predict that." Naruto explained. "Megumi's not hurt just shaken, and a cuddle bug." Naruto explained and there was a slight sniff from Megumi that could have been either in distress or amusement.

Sasuke grinned at this then looked back to Nox. "So what happened?"

"Something must have offed the balance. Our bloodline has three different parts and most usually only hold one or maybe two. I'm rare in that I have three but both Nox and Megumi have two. Megumi's balances her out but Nox... she's been at war with herself her whole life." He explained and there was vapid nodding which basically said: I got no idea what he said.

"Alright. Let's put it this way. Our bloodline has three parts. Heaven, Earth, and Hell. Hell is all about causing damage and basically killing things either fast or slow, it also has illusions. Heaven is about healing and self defence it's also very potent with elemental manipulations and any form of creation. Earth is the middle ground having a little bit of all of it but not being a master of any. Megumi has heaven and Earth which blend well together. Nox has Hell and Heaven and they have been at the brink of combating each other her whole life." Naruto explained.

"She should be fine but we need to get her to a bed and quickly." Megumi said and there was some nodded.

"Yea but unless we walk in with a heaven scroll we're boned." Naruto said with a sigh then grinned toothily as Sasuke handed one to Megumi. "Hunh. You're not half bad. But we gotta move. Yesterday." Naruto said and Megumi nodded and she gave Sasuke a quick kiss on the cheek before grabbing one of Nox's arms as Naruto lifted her up and carrying her between them jumped away.

"Well come on, we still need an Earth Scroll." Sasuke said calmly before jumping away followed by his teammates.

The Sand Team

Kankuro and Temari were concerned. This was a rather normal state of being as they were the children of the most self centered and to be frank stupid Kazekage in the history of the village, if the position was inherited through bloodlines... well... But at the moment their concern was their largest one, their brother. As usual. Their psychotic, tortured redheaded sibling. He was silent and walking slowly as if completely lost in thought with his head cocked to the side as if listening. Kankuro coughed but not intentionally and Gaara glared at him before returning his gaze to the forest. He sighed and decided to bite the bullet and ask but before he could...

"I cannot hear mother. She has been silent longer than ever before." Gaara stated before turning to them and his gourd uncorking Kankuro took a step back in fear. This whole invasion was a bad idea with that freaky kid with the monster killing intent to that crazy exam lady. "What do you know?" he demanded as sand began to pour out.

"N-nothing! I didn't do anything to her!" Kankuro said quickly as Temari backed off positive her brother was about to die.

"Liar! Your all the same! Like Father! Like Yashamaru! Pretending to be an ally while plotting my death!" Gaara shouted and Temari decided to make a desperate gamble to save what little family she had left. She launched a massive wind attack at Gaara to distract him and was shocked to her core to see him blown backwards his sand barely holding back the blades as it moved much more slowly than before. He hit the ground head first and was out instantly. Her blood turned cold as she noticed this but... nothing.

"What's going on?" Kankuro asked stunned as he picked himself up and watched with wide eyes as Gaara merely turned over in his sleep.

"Something happened to Shukaku. He can't hear it and now he can sleep? We... should put a blanket on him and sort out what the hell is happening." Temari said and Kankuro nodded.

"That blond kid has to be a part of this. He's too weird not to be involved in something this weird." Kankuro said and Temari shook her head at this.

As for Gaara he woke up late into the next day having been moved multiple times in his sleep and the smell of a stew cooking wafting to his nose. "What? What happened?" he asked himself not sure what was going on.

"Finally. You've been asleep for over a day. Here eat this." Kankuro said and a bowl was placed nearby as Gaara turned over and sat up. Temari and Kankuro were watching him warily but not entirely fearful.

"What's going on? Was I sleeping?" he asked sounding shocked as he shook what felt like cobwebs from his mind.

"Yea somehow. You're forehead marking's turned green and two slashes have appeared on your cheeks also green. I don't know what they mean though." Temari explained pulling out a well maintained kunai to show Gaara through the polished face. He took it and examined himself before dropping the knife when he clenched it at the sight of his new facial adornments. It hurt.

"Blood... my blood." Gaara said breathlessly the hot keen sensation echoing from his fingers and sending a shiver through his body. His sand started to move erratically around his body.

"You can still control your sand but it won't control itself." Kankuro said putting a small pot full of salve in front of Gaara. "This will dull the pain and stop the bleeding." He explained and Gaara nodded before lightly applying it.

"Good to see you're awake. I suppose you want to know exactly what happened." Keiichi said walking in from around a nearby tree. In an instant blades were out and sand was rushing to him. Just as quickly a burst of energy was given off and it was all thrown back. "No need for that." He said casually leaning against a tree comfortably.

"Did you do this to me?" Gaara demanded and he grinned before nodding. Gaara's sand was instantly around him and crushing down so hard parts of the sand turned to stone. He withdrew it to have the man's blood but he was alright even under that insane pressure.

"Done yet?" he asked and Gaara tried to crush him again. A few minutes later he started to retract it but the insufferable man was still in perfect health. "Because if you are then I can tell you what I did."

"Then speak." Gaara growled at him.

"Alright, long story short Shukaku is gone. Poor girl was practically begging for death after the endless torture she went through inside you. That insane monk whose name I never bothered to learn is completely destroyed for his crimes against immortals... you know even though I was born human I'm still completely shocked by the human capacity for cruelty, no wonder demons are so inspired." He noted calmly. "Anyways, what basically happened is that you are the new Shukaku. Her memories will eventually come to you but for now you just need to know that you have all your old powers... but you control it all." He explained and got blank but wide eyed looks.

"Alright then... basically Gaara here is the next incarnation of Shukaku. So your 'mother' is still with you and much closer than ever before." Keiichi began and was for all intents and purposes going to continue but he winced at the loud 'WHAT' from the sand team.

"Please. What's going on? Who are you and what's with this village?" Kankuro asked incredulously and Keiichi smiled and put a finger to his lips.

"Long story short your planned invasion was doomed from the start. Don't worry I have no intention of hurting you but you have all been manipulated by Orochimaru who murdered and impersonated the Kazekage. He's been... dealt with... appropriately..."

Orochimaru

He raced out of the forest his mind spinning at the implications of what he had observed personally and through clones. These... children these things were not using jutsu. No chakra was being used but the elements, the trees and even weapons were answering them with such ease it had to be something more. He knew he had to take a good step back and observe from a distance. He needed to know more. If there was more at stake, more to gain, more to...

He wasn't able to finish that thought as he was pummelled in the face so hard it felt like Tsunade and a previously unknown twin had sucker punched him wearing brass knuckles charged with electricity. Needless to say he lost his concentration as he was propelled backwards with pulped gums. He caught himself as he rolled in the grass and dislocated his jaws before hurling up a perfectly healthy copy of himself. He looked around and found himself surrounded by numerous extremely well built warriors only a few metres away and beyond them a larger group including Sarutobi and several ANBU all of them glaring at him. "And who are you?" he asked not sensing chakra from them but they all had extremely distinct scents much like the three children. He could taste it they were all related to the redheaded girl he had put the curse mark on.

"I'm the one whose hammer you will be well acquainted with." Thor growled out Mjonllir cracking with energy. On either side of him Magni and Modi each pulled out a vicious sword while glaring at him.

"It's one thing to attack a member of our family. We're warriors, it's expected. But to place that vile mark on a weakened member. Our youngest child." A voice snarled behind him and he turned to see a woman of incredible beauty whose hair looked like it was literally spun from gold (it was. No seriously look up Sif.) he had little time to register this as a spear was quickly shoved into his face.

"You really think such toys will so much as faze me? I am Orochimaru of the Sannin! I'm not some rank and file chunin or jounin! Even Kage's fall before my might!" he boasted before being slammed kicked in the calf by Thor who was decidedly not impressed.

The earth itself grabbed onto Orochimaru with a hand holding his head fast before he felt a curved blade rest on the back of his head and another blond young woman this one with red highlights knelt into view. "Nox has always been a pain, but she's been pulled in two directions with a favour on her mother. But family is family and even Nox has understood that." Thrud said dangerously.

"What are you people?" Orochimaru asked and Sif gave a quiet laugh.

"We are what you've been aspiring for your whole life. We are gods." Modi said before Thor shattered Orochimaru's back with a single swipes. He felt energy rise up through the earth and knew he was even more securely fastened as he was healed.

"Now we're damn pissed as you can imagine snake. So we'll give you a choice. Will you die in an honourable combat you cannot escape or take your punishment as you so justly deserve?" Magni asked

"I'll devour you maggots whole!" Orochimaru screamed out as his form shifted and changed his skin sloughing away to reveal thousands of snakes each one himself and each one... quickly cut down under the divine assault until the last one was stomped underfoot it's head narrowly avoided having been crushed.

"Any other tricks snake?" Thor asked slowly the handle of the hammer extending until the sparking head rested a bare millimetre from Orochimaru's left eye.

"You can't do this... I have so much left to do..." he wheezed trying to think of something, anything that could save him in this situation. But the soft earth had turned to stone and he was bleeding internally.

"When you hurt my child, my youngest at that, you gave me permission. And no, there is nothing left for you to do. There is nothing you can do. You are about to receive the final reward for a monster such as yourself. Give my regards to Lady Hild and Mara for me. They'll personally want to acquaint you with the pits of damnation!" Thor said raising up his hammer a bare half foot then crushing the serpent.

He raised up the weapon and electricity sparked all over it with the smell of burning meat and he casually brushed the ashes off the hammer's head. "It's a twenty minute wait father or the mortals will be suspicious." Thrud said and Thor sighed. Sif put a comforting hand on her husband's back.

"It will be alright. According to Naruto and Megumi she's through the worst of it with only a large loss of power being the result of this... this scum hurting her." Sif said leaning into him and his muscles began to unclench.

"Besides dad. You know how much 'She' loves irony. I'd imagine that the serpent is going through far more than his fragile mind can comprehend." Modi said before cracking his neck.

Back to Team Immortal.

"Ah! So sleeping beauty awakes!" Naruto noted as Nox walked into the cafeteria and slumped down in front of them her head in her arms. "Don't tell me you're going back to sleep now."

"It's like I've been through a thresher back off." She snapped before pulling out a sealing scroll and putting a little energy into it causing a hot tray of habanero and spiced chicken nachos with a bottle of ale on the side. Quickly grabbing a small bundle of pepper slices stuck together with cheese Nox downed it before gorging at a pace that only Urd could match with sake! Skuld with Ice Cream! Keiichi with caffeine! Naruto with Ramen! Or any other immortal with a food as an energy source.

"So... you're in balance now. How does it feel?" Megumi asked politely back in her sundress and basking in the beam of light flowing down from the window.

"I haven't had much time to notice. But there is a sense of relief. Like you've had a headache for so long you forgot about it, then it's gone." Nox said during the rare few moments that food wasn't travelling down her throat.

"Makes sense." Naruto said fighting down a grin as Modi made put a finger to his lips behind Nox and wiggled his eyebrows showing he was up to something. Nox's whole immediate family including mother and stepmother were right behind her.

"How you doing Nox? Recovering?" Modi asked pounding her on the back as she took another bite and then began choking on it and reached around for the ale only to find that Magni had just finished swiping a swig and handed it to her. Without even rubbing the top she gulped down the bitter drink.

"Don't do that!" she half shouted and there was a bit of laughter and her beating off many hands.

"You know with four more days in this exam you guys have a lot of time together." Naruto said with a grin.

"I missed a day?" Nox asked.

"Yep. It figures the moment we all go to get something to eat is when you finally wake up." Mara noted wryly getting some chuckles.

"Well don't worry about it." Naruto began after swallowing his third bowl. "After all there are four more days in the exam and Nox is apparently in balance. I'm sure you're all dying to ask as to why she hasn't changed back yet..." Naruto began and Nox looked absolutely apocalyptic then sighed.

"Fine. The potion was basically frozen during that time so the countdown is nearly over. There shouldn't be more than an hour or two at most left." Nox noted before being grabbed by Sif and Mara.

"Well let's not waste this time then! We're getting another potion from Urd. We still need to have a girl's night together after all!" Mara announced happily.

"Oh no you don't!" Nox shouted kicking the metal leg of her chair and vanishing into it. She reappeared at the other end of the dining hall pointed at Mara and let loose with a 'HAH!' an 'Oh shit' quickly followed as Sif who also teleported with metal grabbed onto her but the grip was broken and Nox vanished again with Sif right behind her. The chase was on.

Author's Notes

Sorry about the wait but Christmas, family, a new x-box360, hanging with friends and such delayed me.


End file.
